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I had planned all year to travel to Alterna country. My thoughts consumed with visions of these elusive serpents. Since I was ten years old, my dream had been of finding a gray-banded kingsnake in the wilds of West Texas.
I arrived in Midland on Tuesday, September 4th. A friend picked me up from the airport and we headed out on the two and a half hour drive to Marathon. Three other friends had arrived a couple days earlier. We all enjoyed a delicious home cooked meal prepared by our hostess. After dinner, my buddy and I hopped into his sport utility vehicle and headed east. We found several species of serpents, but not the grail. The next few nights held much of the same. I started to wonder if these magical snakes indeed existed. Saturday, September 8th was my last night in West Texas. After another wonderful meal, we headed east toward Sanderson. We spotted several snakes crossing the highway on our fifty mile drive to private land owned by a friend of my host. We made a few passes on a dirt road without much luck. A Red Spotted Toad was on the road on one of our passes and I decided to take a photograph. I could not get the little bugger to stay still, so back in the truck I went anticipating what might be around the next bend. A couple of miles had passed and we found nothing. We decided to turn around and head back to Marathon. About half way back to the highway, my light shone directly on the most beautiful serpent I had ever seen. A light gray snake with big bright orange saddles lay motionless near the edge of the dirt path. "Alterna!" I exclaimed as I jumped out of the vehicle. I let loose several expletives and fist pumps that would have made Tiger Woods proud. I decided that I would photograph the animal as it had been found. Reaching into the truck to grab my camera I nearly fainted from my increased blood pressure. With camera in hand I proceeded to approach my quarry with light footsteps so as to not send it slithering into the brush. I settled into a nice position and raised the camera to my eye. Looking through the view finder I noticed something peculiar about this serpent, it had NO eyes. Upon closer inspection I realized it was not a snake at all, at least not a real snake. I had fallen victim to a West Texas institution, being FAKE SNAKED!!! Apparently the Red Spotted Toad had given my "friend” just enough time to set his evil plan into motion. I was assured that this was part of the initiation process and that any herper worth his salt in West Texas had been similarly hoodooed. Beware future grayband seekers; the snake in the light may not always be what it seems.

TJ,
You didn't give it back to him did you? Finders keepers!
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http://www.hcu-tx.org

Oh, that's harsh!

Many of my friends come to learn that I have a rather perverse obsession with fake snakery. TJ is a wonderful friend with an inborn and genuine appreciation for west Texas. During our trip in September the conditions were ripe for the imposition of a major adrenaline rush. The game was afoot. As TJ attempted to photograph the punctatus, I reached behind the seat and carefully dropped my hand painted example of a light Terrell County blairs out the drivers side window... therefore ensuring that it would be laying on the passengers side of the road on our next pass. I marked the odometer and patiently waited for the hilarity to ensue. As we reached our turn-around spot and headed back toward the direction from which we'd come, I carefully counted off the mileage until "it" would reach full illumination under the intense beams of our headlights. TJ yelled out and we came to a stop. Rapid arm-flailing in an attempt to open the door found success and TJ found himself looking eye-to-"eye" with this:

To his credit, he never touched the "snake" (what with it being his first "alterna" ), and instead found the restraint to simply photograph it as it lay there. It was apparently during the composition phase of the photographic process that TJ exclaimed "It has a weird head on it!". I tried to bottle my laughter and the attempt to do so resulted in a snort that nearly relieved me of a significant portion of my sinuses. He then exclaimed "Hell, it doesn't have an eye!". Reality set in and his next comment I won't type here. TJ gradually shifted from a butt-kicking retribution-based demeanor to laughter and we both got our humor fix for the night (me more so than he I think). I explained to TJ that he should be thankful... now having been inducted into "the club". He reluctantly agreed, but I did have to answer to the name "satan" for the next few days.

I love ya TJ! Next year we'll find you a real one to photograph!

Absolutely brutal! I hope you will come up with a suitable return present at some point. --HW

I have played the snucking fake game a few times, if it does nothing else it will give you a wake up jolt to keep you alert at least another hour

Like Joe said, finders keepers...

Lance

I think Lance and I left a small deposit of those this year...

Fakes keep you awake and are good for the hobby. Nothing like the screams and sprints and then "awwwwwwww damn!"

I think you have been initiated... Better luck next year.

Best Wishes,

Steven Owens

np

Sorry Stu, no pic. The stream of obscenities began just before I was ready to fire the camera. At that point I was not going to give my "friend", Mr. Satan Salceies, the satisfaction of having this event photo documented.

Luv Ya D.

TJ