2-3 inches above the highest basking spot sounds good for the light. I use a 40WAT incandescent for my basking spot and its only a few inches above the leaves. If they are large enough you might try feeding a Katydid my brown anoles love those. Maybe best to focus on the wax worms for that female to fatten her up a bit. You might also have luck by moving her into another enclosure until she is a bit healthier. If they are adults witch is what they sound like there is no doubt the male is stressing her with his advances.
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