Did bearded dragons not cross your mind? I know, I know. They don't look quite as awesome as monitors do, they're just the 'boring' go-to of the reptile pet trade, blah blah blah... But you have to understand they are in that position for a good reason.

You can't make a pet out of a wild predator. No matter how cool it looks, no matter how badly you want to hold it, it's never going to happen. You can't force it to be something that it's not. Ultimately, you'll end up unsatisfied, and the lizard will end up dead...

I wish I had a dragon -- a huge, beastly fire-breathing dragon. I'd want to raise it up, have epic adventures, and we could grow old together. We could be best friends forever. HOWEVER, if dragons existed, and if I bought one, I would a great fool to expect anything other than what would inevitably happen. It would actually scare all those false hopes out of me, it would undoubtedly incinerate me with its fire breath, and I would ultimately wish that I had never friggin bought it.

That, in essence, is what hundred of thousands of reptile noobs go through every year. That is exactly the allure of the $20 savannah monitor hatchlings, all the cute tegu babies with the green heads, the green iguanas at Petco.

So now that your suspicions have been validated, please don't be that guy. Please, ffs... Hopefully you understand. Again, I say to you; do yourself a favor, and just get the bearded dragon.

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