Oh my! Cat troubles can add a bit of stress to a new marriage, just ask my husband! LOL!

Basic lesson in how a cat sees the world - it's all about territory, who controls it, who stalks it, who owns it, who SCENTS it. Stop with the kitty visits for now. And when you move in, plan on a long, slow reintroduction of the two pussycats. bringing them together periodically with out a proper melding of territorys is driving her cat insane - and probably terrorizing your cat.

When you move in, keep your cat in a separate room. Expect your wife's cat to stake out the door. Let them sniff each other out under the door, and expect some bad behavior from her cat. Eventually try using a cat toy like a feather teaser to get the cats to play with one another under the door. Move on to cracking the door a little so they can see one another but can't get to one another. When they are calm about that, try opening the door but move your cat back into her room after a few minutes. You can build up longer times based on how well they behave.

Don't worry about your cat missing you - she is more terrified of getting beat up. Help her out by taking all the time needed for a proper reintroduction even if it takes a week or two.

Those two are going to have to sort out who owns what spots, which pathways, in the home. To take out some stress, offer at least two litterboxes (with clear views of an escape route) Two sets of feeding dishes, places to sleep high off the floor, multiple scratching posts - don't be surprised if your wife's cat wants to claw the crap out of everything - it's a way of saying "This is mine!"

Also think about adding a Feliway diffuser - it releases happy kitty phermones reducing stress levels. (I just added one back into my house this week because of a stray cat outside stressing my cats out. It's good stuff)

Cornell's vet school has a great page of links on cat issues including behavior and how they view, mark and maintain territory. I'll try to dig it up again later and post it for you

Best of luck!

Purrs,
Elizabeth

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