I am sorry to hear your friends are facing this.

With my grandfather, we did everything we could to keep him in his apartment, had people check in on him regularly, etc., until he just could not stay alone (had a bad fall outside when talking with neighbors which caused a head injury, leading to memory loss problems). We kept him in a nursing home in his community, actually attached to his church's property so people he went to church could visit him after church on Sundays. It was an hour and a half drive for our family to visit him (at least weekly), but we found keeping him in familiar surroundings worked best. My parent's tried to get him to move in with us prior to his fall, but he really wanted to stay in his own home (he stayed with us on weekends quite a bit). So, for as long as he could, my parents put things in place to allow him to be independent (Meals on Wheels, etc.) After the fall, they had no choice but to give him full time nursing care in a facility (he could not function on his own, needed a cathator) and I was very glad they decided to keep him in a facility in his home town vs. moving him to our home town to be more convenient to us... I felt they put his needs first.

It is a very tough decision. There really is no right or wrong answer, but my thoughts are that if I were in the same situation, I would do everything I can to meet the wishes of the parents, until it came to a point when they just had to have additional care and could not stay at home. First, I'd try to bring the care to them if it was feasible... Each situation is different, and it is impossible to decide what is best for one family vs. another. Something they will have to work out.
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Tammy and Pookey
(Stanley 8/91 - 8/07)

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