Richard Wells said:

Just thought I'd share the following (modified) email that I recently received:



When you occasionally have a bad day trying to classify something and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take if out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...



I was sitting at my desk at the museum when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered, saying "Hello."



I politely said, "This is Richard. Could I please speak with Charles Darwin?"



Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.



I tracked down Charlie's correct number and called him. I had inadvertantly transposed the last two digits of his phone number. After hanging up I decided to call the wrong number again. When the same guy (a molecular biologist) answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an idiot," and hung up.



I wrote the number down with the word "idiot" next to it and put it in my desk drawer.



Every couple of weeks, when I was doing a long series of scale-counts or had a really bad day with the microscope, I'd call him up and yell "You're an idiot," and it always cheered me up.



When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic "idiot" calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is Gareth Nelson from the Telephone Company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program? The molecular biologist yelled "NO" and slammed down the phone.



I quickly called him back and said "That's because you are an idiot."



One day I was at the local university getting ready to pull into a parking spot.



Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a FOR SALE sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number at the Institute for Molecular Biology - Yes it was ANOTHER molecular biologist! A couple of days later, right after calling the first idiot (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW idiot too.



I said, "Is the man with the black BMW for sale?" "Yes, it is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I work at the University Molecular Biology Lab. It's the high tech building, with unlimited staff and funding, and the car's parked right out in front."



"What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Dr Will Hennigian," he said. "When's a good time to catch you, Will ?" "I'm still at work every evening after five trying to reinvent the theory of natural selection."



"Listen, Will, can I tell you something?" "Yes". "Will, you're an idiot." Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two idiots to call.



But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So I came up with an idea. I called Idiot #1."Hello" "You're an idiot: (But I didn't hang up.)



"Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said.



"Stop calling me," he screamed. "Make me," I said.



"Who are you?" he asked.



"My name is Will Hennigian."



"Yeah? Where do you work?"



"Idiot, I work at the University Molecular Biology Lab. It's the high tech building, with unlimited staff and funding, with my black Beamer parked in front."



He said, "I'm coming over right now, Will. And you had better start saying your prayers."



I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, idiot."



Then I called Idiot #2.



"Hello," he said.



"Hello idiot," I said.



He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are."



"You'll what" I said.



"I'll kick your butt," he said.



I answered, "Well, idiot, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."



Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I worked at the University Molecular Biology Lab - the high tech building, with unlimited staff and funding - and that someone had arrived to beat up a scientist for stealing research data.



Then I called Channel 13 news about a gang of scientists punching out one another in the car park at the University Molecular Biology Lab.



I quickly got into my car and headed over to the University.



There I saw two idiots beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter and a news crew.



NOW I feel much better. Anger Management really works...

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