Yo yo yo Dude!?

Dude, this just isn't right is it? So this bald guy who has been taking care of me since the day I was born, keeps putting me in with these huge women! I mean huge? What's up with that? I want a nice little woman. You know one that's nice and trim and more my size! Not some big ol fat, ok so they weren't fat to begin with just big, but I'm say'in cut me some slack jack! Com'on give a guy a break. OK, so here I am. Handsome aren't I, if I do say so myself:



That's me above. I'm just a little fella. Some of my brothers called me shorty when I was grow'in up but hey... I'm smooth with the ladies, you know what I mean right? Dude, I ain't tell'in you a story here. Dude, listen.

So like last year was the first year. The first year I had any interest in... you know, in the ladies. So the bald guy moves me from my little abode to this huge mansion. I mean you should see these digs. All Black, plastic I'm told, and with a penthouse to boot! Like, like, I mean I felt like I was movin on up! So I'm checkin out the new house when I see her. Oh yea, she's a babe alright. More like two babes and a half for a guy like me but WOW! She is a beauty. Why complain right? So I slide right on over like; hey I'm cool. Not too anxious but I can't ignore her either. As I slide along side I smell her! Dude, she does smell good. I mean really really SAHWEEET! I've never smelled anything so luscious in all my days. I was but a child at that time at 16 months of age and she was, you guessed it, an older woman. She was 5 1/2 years old then and seemed to be just as happy to see me as I was her. So I get down. You know. I treat here like any lady Boa Constrictor of her attitude and altitude would like to be treated. I hug her. I squeeze her. I even tickle her. Dude, did I tickle her! Like Dude, I'd like to have gotten cramps in my little vestigial limbs I tickled her so much. Day and night I tickled her. But in the end, you know, I prevailed. Oh yea. She was mine all mine. We were in love. Boa Love like no other. Dude, my first true love. You know. After months, OK a month and a half, she was mine all mine. And then something completely unexpected happened.

You know that SAHWEEET smell I was telling you about? Dude, it began to wane. Disappeared completely eventually and then the worst happened! She started to get fat! I mean way way way too fat for me! I mean she looked like she might have swallowed a FOOTBALL she got so fat. Check her out for yourself! Look at how fat she got!:



Dude, see what I mean? Like, there I am out front just wanting to get out of here! So I wined her and dined her. Sung her those sweet little romantic melodies. Dude, I like whispered sweet nothings in her ... uh... if she had ears I would have whispered them in there. Gave her all my love and gentle caress and what does she do? Dude, she gets huge on me! Sure, I knew she was big but I didn't know she was going to get this big! And to make everything even worse, that wonderful smell was gone. Dude, like long gone I tell you! Like principle in a politician, long gone! Dude, then to add insult to injury I find out four months later that she was actually pregnant! That's right! She had a baby. Well, actually something like 30 babies Dude! How am I going to feed all those mouths huh!? How! Like how did this happen!? Nobody explains anything to me. The only reason I found out about all the kids is that bald moron was jumping all over the place screaming like a little girl one day last May when they were born. I still can't believe how this guy has absolutely no self control! I mean none! You'd think he never saw a baby Boa before. I must admit, I am pretty proud of the little pinkie pinchers myself. Here are pictures of a few of them. This first one is Earl. He thinks he is some hot shot or something. A really cool customer. A snot nosed kid that is too big for his britches I say...



Then here's Charles Jr. Yea, he's a Junior and Charles is a name of distinction don't you think? I was so proud of him when I laid my eyes on him. We are buds. I'm giving him a few tips every week on how to be successful with the Ladies. This fall he will probably be moved into larger quarters like I was to find some image of loveliness to make happy himself. Baldy says he has just the right lady for him in mind. He has got to be ready. And Dude, ready he will be.



This one is my little girl. Trisha is her name. Avoiding boys is her game! At least if I have anything to say about it. Isn't she cute! Watch it! She isn't even a year old yet. Keep your mitts to yourself or I'll show up on your doorstep with my shotgun AND a shovel. She is Daddy's little girl. Sugar and spice and everything nice.



Which brings me to this year. Oh yea, that bald idiot did it again! This year he tells me he has a new girl friend for me but he doesn't tell me everything OK? Like she is an older woman again OK? Same age as the last one, I mean a year older than the chick from last year was. Dude, like, she is 6 1/2 years old OK? Alright. So I make the big move again. Up to that big mansion identical in every way to the last one except the lady is all new. Dude, like I never seen her before, or so I thought. Yea, you guessed it, I do my thing again. Oh yea, I am Mr. Casanova with the ladies. She is like putty in my hands, well if I had hands she would be. Oh that sweet aroma. She didn't smell as sweet as last year's little rendezvous but eventually she did. Took me a little longer to wear her down too. Dude, it was like three months this time! Dude! Course I am a year older, wiser and though she was a little bit bigger, I still prevailed. Which brings me to one question? Why is old baldy always stickin me with these huge women!? Anyhow, though a big woman she is still a beauty in her own way. A little darker completed than the last one but there was a reason for that which I only recently found out! I always seem to be the last to know. Like Dude, she is a Mother two times over! That's why she is darker than my other lady who I only recently found out this... So Dude, check this out; they are Sisters! What's up with that? So anyhow, she, just like her sister, she got HUGE on me! Dude, I mean HUGE! Much bigger than that chick last year did! I'm not here when Ol' Baldy feeds her. She claimed that she didn't eat anything when he fed last time, but how on earth did she get so stinking huge!? How? How can I be so stupid? Pregnant!? Yes. Dude, I did it again! She is pregnant now just like her sister last year! Check me out below working her over before she got really really HUGE!:



There I was chill'in. Dude, this is hard work you know! Like climbing a mountain! Then I hear from one of the other guys the truth! This chick, this chick, well, she isn't really just some chick. The baldy tells me it's OK for just a generation or two but I just didn't know. This chick has had babies before OK? Twice actually! The last time was coincidentally three years ago. Three years ago! Ring any bells for you! Dude, I was born three years ago! Now do you have your thinking cap on!? DUDE!? OK, so three years ago she had this litter. Here is a picture of her having those babies:



Real cute right? Well what I just found out is that I was one of those babies!? OK, so I guess it's OK for a generation or two but someone could have told me she was my Mom! Couldn't they!? I blame that bald moron for this. He tried to explain to me that he very rarely has done this but hey, I would have liked to have known before the fact. Know what I mean?

So Saturday and Sunday Mom is all blown out like she swallowed two footballs! UnBOAlievable! And the Bald guy! Yea, he is all over the place! Dancing around like a big baby! What a dork! Get a clue pal. Get a life! It's just going to be more baby Boas! What's the big deal!?!?

I guess now I'll just have to wait. At least now I know what is going on and what causes all those babies. Dude, it will be abundantly clear when those little munchkins hit the ground. Ol' Baldy will be on a tear! He'll be doing that super chicken dance again. Drives me crazy. I mean Dude, what's the big deal right?

I guess now I'll just have to wait. At least now I know what is going on and what causes all those babies. Dude, it will be abundantly clear when those little munchkins hit the ground. Ol' Baldy will be on a tear! He'll be doing that super chicken dance again. Drives me crazy. I mean Dude, what's the big deal right?
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