WISCONSIN STATE JOURNAL (Madison) 25 February 08 Snow over snakes any day (Bill Wineke)

Let's look on the bright side: At least we aren't being overrun by pythons.

We may be still shoveling out from Monday's snowstorm, still slipping on last week's ice and still bailing living rooms inundated by leaks from the "ice dams" that lurk on our roofs, but if there's one thing this damnable Wisconsin winter doesn't have is pythons.

Not so in other parts of the country.

USA Today reports "giant Burmese pythons could colonize one-third of the U.S., from San Francisco across the Southwest, Texas and the South and up north along the Virginia coast."

It seems that idiots in Florida -- or idiot guests of that state -- have imported pythons as pets and, then, when the snakes, which can reach a length of 20 feet and a weight of 250 pounds, became a nuisance, just let them go in the swamps. Now, there are breeding colonies of pythons in Florida and wildlife officials report they have learned some of the snakes have also been dumped in Arkansas.

If there are loose pythons in Florida and in Arkansas, how much do you want to bet they have cousins in other Southern states?

But not in Wisconsin. Our climate is not similar to that of Southeast Asia, where the pythons originated. We may have snow. We may have sleet. We may even have voracious mosquitoes in the summer. But we do not have a feral python community and are not likely to acquire one anytime soon.

Florida is a different state. In Florida, the wild pythons are competing with alligators for prey. In fact, you may recall that a few years ago wildlife folk discovered a python that died while trying to swallow an alligator. If global warming becomes a reality, much of the South will be like Florida.

Think about this the next time you start to feel jealous of all your wealthy friends who are vacationing in Florida. Do you really want to be in a place where you have to choose between being eaten by an alligator or by a giant snake?

Actually, the pythons are not supposed to be dangerous to humans, confining their diets normally to rodents, chickens and lesser creatures. That would be a comforting thought if it weren't for the prior story about a python trying to eat an alligator.

No, it is better to remain in Wisconsin. It is better to shovel snow. It is better to curse the subzero cold. It is even better to slide into a ditch and join the rest of suffering Wisconsin humanity.

The one thing you won't have to worry about as you sit in that ditch is whether you might be swallowed by a python.
Snow over snakes any day

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