You know, now that I think of it, he WASN'T asking for advice. All he initially asked was what did folks think it was, and that he thinks it looks like it's been there a while, so getting all pissed when people respond with the obvious suggestion of a vet is kind of rude.
How are we supposed to know where your vet is located and whether you drive or not?

I'd personally take it to a good non-herp vet, even, if it's between that and letting it sit there. They can even confer with a herp vet by phone if they're not comfortable with med tables and such.

I wish y'all the best with the snake and hope that you get the situation handled soon.

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