RESUME:



GEORGE W. BUSH

The White House

USA





PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:



I ran for congress and lost. I produced a Hollywood

slasher B movie. I

bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in

Texas; company went

bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. I bought

the Texas Rangers

baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land

using taxpayer money.

Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White

Sox. With my

father's

help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.





ACCOMPLISHMENTS:



I changed pollution laws for power and oil companies

and made Texas the

most

polluted state in the Union. I replaced Los Angeles

with Houston as the

most

smog ridden city in America. I cut taxes and

bankrupted the Texas

government

to the tune of billions in borrowed money. I set

record for most

executions

by any Governor in American history. I became

president after losing

the

popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of

my fathers

appointments

to the Supreme Court.





ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:



I attacked two countries. I spent the surplus and

bankrupted the

treasury. I

shattered record for biggest annual deficit in

history. I set economic

record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12

month period.



I set all-time record for biggest drop in the history

of the stock

market.



I am the first president in decades to execute a

federal prisoner. I am

the

first president in US history to enter office with a

criminal record.



In the first year in office I set the all-time record

for most days on

vacation by any president in US history. After taking

the entire month

of

August off for vacation, I presided over the worst

security failure in

US

history.



I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips

than any other

president in US history.



In my first two years in office over 2 million

Americans lost their

job. I

cut unemployment benefits for more out of work

Americans than any

president

in US history.



I signed more laws and executive orders amending the

Constitution than

any

president in US history. I presided over the biggest

energy crises in

US

history and refused to intervene when corruption was

revealed. I

presided

over the highest gasoline prices in US history and

refused to use the

national reserves as past presidents have.



I cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.



I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to

simultaneously

take

to the streets to protest me (15 million people),

shattering the record

for

protest against any person in the history of mankind.



I dissolved more international treaties than any

president in US

history.

Members of my cabinet are the richest of any

administration in US

history.

(The 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice has a

Chevron oil

tanker

named after her).



I am the first president in US history to order a US

attack and

military

occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against

the will of the

United Nations and the world community. I created the

largest

government

department bureaucracy in the history of the United

States.



I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget

spending increases,

more

than any president in US history. I am the first

president in US

history to

have the United Nations remove the US from the human

rights

commission. I

am the first president in US history to have the

United Nations remove

the

US from the elections monitoring board.



I removed more checks and balances, and have the least

amount of

congressional oversight than any presidential

administration in US

history.

I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant. I

withdrew from the

World

Court of Law. I refused to allow inspectors access to

US prisoners of

war

and by default no longer abide by the Geneva

Conventions.



I am the first president in US history to refuse

United Nations

election

inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).



I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for

most corporate

campaign

donations. My biggest lifetime campaign contributor,

who is also one of

my

best friends, presided over one of the largest

corporate bankruptcy

frauds

in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron

Corporation).



I, with a policy of "disengagement," created the most

hostile

Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years. I am

the first US

president in history to have a majority of the people

of Europe (71%)

view

my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and

stability.



I am the first US president in history to have the

people of South

Korea

more threatened by the US than their immediate

neighbor, North Korea.



I failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden

"dead or alive." I

failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to

murder the leaders of

our

country at the United States Capitol building. After

18 months I have

no

leads and zero suspects. In the 18 months following

the 911 attacks I

have

successfully prevented any public investigation into

the biggest

security

failure in the history of the United States.



I removed more freedoms and civil liberties for

Americans than any

other

president in US history. In a little over two years I

created the most

divided country in decades, possibly the most divided

the US has ever

been

since the civil war.



I entered office with the strongest economy in US

history and in less

than

two years turned every single economic category

heading straight down.





RECORDS AND REFERENCES:



I have At least one conviction for drunk driving in

Maine (Texas

driving

record has been erased and is not available). I was

AWOL from National

Guard

and deserted the military during a time of war. I

refuse to take drug

test

or even answer any questions about drug use. All

records of my tenure

as

governor of Texas have been spirited away to my

fathers library, sealed

in

secrecy and unavailable for public view. All records

of any SEC

investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt

companies are sealed

in

secrecy and unavailable for public view. All minutes

of meetings for

any

public corporation I served on the board are sealed in

secrecy and

unavailable for public view. Any records or minutes

from meetings I (or

my

VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed

in secrecy and

unavailable for public review. For personal references

please speak to

my

daddy or uncle James Baker (They can be reached at

their offices of the

Carlyle Group for war-profiteering.)

[ Show Entire Thread ]