GLOBE-NEWS (Amarillo, Arizona) 21 July 03 Theatrical snake plays dead badly on Highway 83 (David Horsley)
While driving the highways and byways of our state recently, I spied something on the pavement. It was moving.
My history of stopping for objects in the road is well-documented, so no need to cover that ground now. As I executed a U-turn, the people in the back seat perked up.
"What did you see?" one asked.
"A turtle?" asked the other.
I pulled off the roadway a safe distance next to the slithering creature. No cars were in sight in either direction. As I approached, the snake saw me and coiled. Then it did something surprising: It doubled itself in size.
Maybe you've heard of puff adders. This particular adder was only two feet long, but when it puffed itself up, it somehow seemed more dangerous, maybe even deadly. At least that's what the snake seemed to want me to think.
Not to be deterred by its theatrics, I walked to within a foot of the thing. It then displayed another defensive behavior: It struck at my pant leg.
I've been struck at and bitten by snakes three times the size of this one, so its little feigns didn't affect me much.
But I challenge even the most hardened herpetologist to continue advancing when a snake strikes. I suspect it's in our genes to halt, and halt I did.
But that wasn't good enough for Mr. Snake. He then did a most extraordinary thing: He up and died right there in the southbound lane of Highway 83.
When I say died, I mean he rolled onto his back, struck a most death-like pose, opened his mouth, and stuck out his tongue.
I've heard of people being scared to death by snakes, but this was the first time I witnessed a snake being scared to death by people. I felt sort of bad. I have nothing against snakes, and it didn't seem polite for a visitor like myself to hurt a snake on its home turf when it was minding its own business.
With the toe of my shoe I flipped the dead snake over onto its belly, and Lo! a miracle occurred: The dead snake flipped itself over onto its back. Again I righted the serpent, and again it unrighted itself, as if to say, "Hey! Can't you see I'm dead here?"
I picked up the dead snake and carried it to the car. When I put it in the trunk right-side up, it flipped to its dead position. The passengers were impressed.
"Cool! Can we keep it?"
We unslipped a pillowcase and dropped in the dead snake, knotting the top so it couldn't escape if it came back to life. Then we went merrily on our way.
That snake had one more trick up its sleeve, however. It wasn't long before an olfactory assault met us.
"EEEEWWWW! What's that SMELL?"
A powerful, skunk-like odor filled the car as the adder emptied its scent glands into my pillowslip.
"Dad, get that thing out of here!"
The next town was Menard, county seat of Menard County and home of some of the best venison jerky on the planet.
We found a convenient city park near the highway, on the banks of the San Saba River, and into that river went Mr. Snake.
Although the water was only a few inches deep, it was sufficient to cause the snake to remember that he was, in fact, alive after all. The last thing we saw was the snake heading east at a determined pace, going with the current.
My pillowslip seemed ruined and had to be tied to the luggage rack for the rest of the trip. Multiple washings have removed almost all the snake smell.
Here's what the book says about Heterodon contortrix:
"The hog-nosed snake . . . holds its ground if cornered, flattening and spreading the head and fore part of the body to twice their normal width. . . . Occasional individuals will strike. . . . If further annoyed, the mouth is opened and rubbed on the ground and the body is contorted as if the snake were in the final stages of a death agony. . . .
"The snake then rolls onto its back and lies perfectly still. If picked up it is limp and lifeless. . . .
"It can easily be induced to betray itself, however, if placed on its belly, since it invariably promptly rolls onto its back!"
Theatrical snake plays dead badly on Highway 83

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• AZ Press: Theatrical snake plays dead badly on Highway 83 - W von Papineäu, Mon Jul 21 21:52:10 2003