I found these quotes on the internet, and I couldn't resist sharing it with you all. They are PG-13, so don't be alarmed.
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"I can resist everything except temptation."
Oscar Wilde.
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
Rodney Dangerfield.
"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an eediot*, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."
George Carlin. (*mispelled for this forum)
"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with."
Marty Feldman.
"We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture."
Robin Williams.
"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' "
Charlie Brown.
"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
Oscar Wilde
"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets."
Dave Edison.
"We all know that in war it is important to have the element of surprise - And what wouldn't be more surprising, than sending in the first battalion transvestite brigade?"
Eddie Izzard
"Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy."
Spike Milligan
"You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label."
Mark Twain.
"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often."
Oliver Herford
"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
George Gobol
"Guns don't kill people... people do. Yet I think the gun does help doesn't it ?"
Eddie Izzard
"Jesus loves you.....but everyone else thinks you're an ***hole"
-Unknown
