NOTE: The following post is meant in jest and in celebration of some of my recent herping successes. The religious tone and terminology is just for fun. Please forgive me for any act of blaspheme. I apologize in advance if I offend any religious individuals or groups. That is NOT my intent.
It took twenty-five years, untold thousands of dollars, and incalculable hours, but I FINALLY FOUND A LIVE GRAY-BAND. I had been cursed by the Alterna Gods for offsetting the costs of my first few trips to Nirvana by selling some of the animals I found (sorry, but I was young, broke, and stupid!). Selling those few wild herps and inverts left me feeling dirty and I decided to NEVER sell a wild caught animal again.
Apparently, my remorse came too late. I swear, I could sometimes here the spirits laughing as I searched in vain and found only DORs and even a Dead on Cut Alterna, no doubt placed there by the an unforgiving serpent spirit to torture and tease me.
I felt certain that the curse would be lifted if I quietly accepted my punishment and served my penance. Apparently the spirits did not take kindly to my continued intrusions onto hallowed ground. Obviously they demanded a higher price be paid for my youthful transgressions.
Finally, the Alterna God’s decided to test me and judge my worthiness. HB2414 threatened to harm the chosen ones of Alterna greatness and the present and future acolytes of the faith. A hissing voice told me, “fight this bill and protect the faithful”. I pledged my devotion and took up the cause. I wrote letters, made calls, submitted posts, researched legislative rules and procedures, and joined forces with other faithful brethren.
Through devotion and effort, we were rewarded with the amendment to HB2414. Peace and harmony descended on the Promised Land. I was certain my reward would come soon.
Then, as so often happens, my faith and devotion was tested yet again. Hilderbran blindsided us with the rider on HB12. All hope seemed lost. With encouragement from my elder brethren, I gathered my loins and pledged to continue the fight. My resolve was rewarded with a special serpent gift.
Filled with joy from my serpentine reward, I redouble my efforts and continued the fight. I spoke with numerous staffers for the Governor and other politicians. I plotted numerous opposition plans and pledged to suffer for the cause if necessary. Again my efforts were rewarded, but only with a sign of the potential for glory.
In their wisdom, the Alterna God’s sweetened this bitter reward with the promise of a better future.
On the tragic day that HB12 became law, the Alterna Gods anticipated my pain and granted another gift. What a joy to spend time with this glorious creature.
Despite my reward, hope seemed lost! How could I continue in the faith when it seemed we were doomed to eternal suffering. I started to seriously question my path. I decided to spend a night of solitude and quiet reflection in unspoiled habitat. At the depth of my despair, the serpent spirits sent me a sign and a generous reward.
With encouragement from this special find and support from the faithful, I settled in for the long fight and decided upon a drastic step to preserve our faith. On the day that I submitted a lease application to secure 640 acres of state property for the pursuit and preservation of west Texas herps, I was granted the ultimate reward!
Fellow herpers, this has been my testimonial. I was once a lowly exploiter of wild herps. Thanks to the Gods I saw the light and gave up those ways. However, forgiveness requires repentance and penance. I have amended my ways and have pledged to be ever faithful. My reward has been great.
My wish is that you also share in the great rewards that are offered to those who faithfully serve the Serpent Gods. Please rise up and join your brethren in the fight to preserve the right of herpers everywhere to observe and protect wild herps. Continue to fight the good fight and NEVER give up.
WE SHALL OVERCOME!
Thanks for reading; I again apologize if I have offended the religious sensibilities of anyone. This post was written in fun and no REAL religious or spiritual significance should be inferred.
