This has been successful in the past on a couple of occasions to deter a LEO from wanting anything to do with you when they pull you over. It all starts no less than three to four days before you take your trip.
1. Eat soft, but still undercooked beans at least once, if not twice a day. Add in whole milk to the equation at the time of ingestion. Eat food with high garlic and curry seasoning. Lots of garlic and curry. Apologize greatly to your loved ones.
2. Don't bathe, if you must do not scrub or use soap. Let the oils build up in the dark areas of your body. Make sure the dirt and grime has a good chance to really permeate your skin and form regions of collections. Stop wearing deoderant.
3. Find an old, old icechest and mix in a third water (warm), a few bananas, and other choice fruits with alot of citric acid. Place in direct sunlight where heat will be most intense.
On the nights that you wish to patrol the safety of wildlife and create mug shots of thier passings through the sanctuaries:
1. Take a quick, warm soapless shower. The added water seems to open up glands and pores.
2. Position the ice chest in the back of the truck so the lid is not fully closed but will not blow off. If no truck bed, take a thick, glide lok ziploc bag of the ice chest goo and keep it somewhere near the door panel that can be easily accessed if the door is approached.
3. Wear a thin, clean shirt. The clean fabric allows for more aroma to permeate into the shirt and collect.
4. If confronted, stand upwind and be sure to keep your hands in view at all times. Resting them ontop of your head works great.
5. My favorite - A. DO NOT attempt to control the release of the bacterial digestion of the beans at any moment.
IF the LEO still is interested, plan B goes into effect. There you decide. In the past, I have carried a dead chicken in a thick plastic bag placed next to the driver's side door. The plastic allows for the oils to accumulate, but not leak. My answer to why I am carrying a rotting chicken -- "That's where I put Henry at!!!! Thanks for finding him!" I find body odor and rotting smells as an impressively great deterrant to Officer's of the Law.
robert hibbitts
ps-->if you are wondering, yes the smell is sometimes obtrusive to my ownself, but you get used to it after awhile.
