Reptile & Amphibian Forums

I was just given an awesome opportunity to adopt a very healthy, tame snake from one of my friends, but my Mom does not like snakes, and will not let me get it. I have nearly all the supplies i need, and i can get the rest from my friend, and i have enough money in my pocket right now to feed it for at least 2 months, but she won't give in! I need advice on how to get her to let me have it. She has used a bunch of excuses, and i have been able to knock down most of them, but she just keeps coming up (making up) new excuses! Some of the excuses she has used: Not enough money (as i mentioned, i have enough money right now to feed the snake for at least 2 months, and i will be getting more by then. Told her that), we have enough animals (i have 3 birds, and she has 2 dogs, but one is really old, and we don't expect her to last much longer ), we are staying at my grandma and grandpas, and several others. Please i need some help to get her to see the light!

Thank you.
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-Jacob

Knowledge is gained by asking the question "Why?", but true wisdom only comes from asking "Why not?". -Me

First of all 2 months goes by real fast. At leastas you get older it does. But as a Teacher the best advice I could give is. It is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. LOL.

Wow! As a teacher, I should check my spelling (last post). But then again my excuse is that my students drive me to drink on the weekends. Cheers Greg

Two months? Sorry, but i didn't say anything about two months. What about two months? *CONFUSED* Thanks for your quick reply, though. And don't worry about the spelling, I don't mind. I used to correct my teachers so much they would stop calling on me at class.
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-Jacob

Knowledge is gained by asking the question "Why?", but true wisdom only comes from asking "Why not?". -Me

You said you had enough money to feed it for 2 months. I was jokeing meaning 2 months goes by quite fast. Are you an honor student? (just kidding again) Cheers Greg. I have a sarcastic dry sense of humor.

Oh i see. Duh for me, lol. Still, 2 months is a long time to be able to feed an animal with just what i have in my pocket right now, with no additions, no spending on anything else, or anything. The birds suck us dry a lot faster than that! Freaking eating machines...They do something else eating related very well too! *SCRUB SCRUB SCRUB* Btw, dry sarcasm? We'll get along beautifully!
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-Jacob

Knowledge is gained by asking the question "Why?", but true wisdom only comes from asking "Why not?". -Me

I had a bird when I was younger. It also cost me a fortune. It is usually cheaper to buy frozen rodents by bulk, rather than pay pet store price. If I were you and wanted to convince my mom. I would see if your area has a local Herp society. Then try and go with your mom to some meetings. It is alot of fun, and informative. We have a lot of kids and parents in our herp society.

LOL, I am a member of the Minnesota Herpetological Society. It was 7 months ago yesterday that i joined. I have a local reliable store that I trust very much that i can get my rodents from, for very cheap too. She's been in 3 meetings so far, and they are once a month.
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-Jacob

I refuse to call what i have luck. It's much too consistent than that. I'm sure that's part of it, but there has to be some skill involved..........There has to be!

Sorry to double post, but...I couldn't even get far enough for forgiveness, because she would be my ride to go get the snake...That wouldn't work out well. Besides, the first thing she would do is rip my head off, then she would give the snake to the MHS, or somewhere. I would have to ask for resurrection, lol.
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-Jacob

Knowledge is gained by asking the question "Why?", but true wisdom only comes from asking "Why not?". -Me

If you haven't already, try to convincer to come with you to your friends house to meet the snake. I generally find that people's discomfort with snakes is easily dissuaded after they have a close and friendly encounter with one. If she is at least willing to meet the snake before passing final judgment then things might be looking pretty good.

It's not to that particular snake, or even to snakes at all. She is just convinced that we have enough animals, and probably wouldn't allow me to bring a goldfish home.
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-Jacob

Knowledge is gained by asking the question "Why?", but true wisdom only comes from asking "Why not?". -Me

I can remember a time more than a few years ago, when my mother would not let me keep the snakes I would bring home!
My father would always say, When you have your own place, You can all the snakes you want!
And I do!
Your day will come too, there will always be a good deal

I hate to be the realist here, but one must ask....

You live with your grandparents, This can be good or bad. #1 how do THEY feel about snakes? and #2 is this situation permanent or temporary? will you be moving someday? can you take the Snake with you?

What about if it needs to see a vet, can you afford to take it?

Do you have college plans? and if so Dorms are no place for a snake.

What species of snake is this? some species can live for 20 or more years, and in many cases (Not all, so please don't think I'm singling you out or anything) the new owner hits a crossroads in life (especially at your age) and suddenly the snake is less important than it used to be.

New girlfriends, moving, graduation, first drivers license, and many others will come along and possibly overshadow the snake's care.

Do you have a sound back up plan if any of those things should happen?

And no I don't know your mom. She didn't ask me to post this

Regards,
Wayne A. Harvey
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1.0.0 Ball Python - Python regius "Cane" Rescue
1.2.9 Storeria dekayi Casper, Xena, Athena, & Kids
0.0.2 Thamnophis marcianus - Checkered Garters "spot" & "Zig"
0.0.1 Thamnophis sirtalis - eastern Garter - Princess
1.0.0 Thamnophis pickeringi - Puget Sound Garter "Sky" (adult, Sky blue)
0.0.1 Nerodia sipedon - Water Snake - "Aqua"
0.1.10 Storeria occipitomaculata - Red Belly snakes
0.0.1 Amelanistic Corn Snake "CY" Juvinile CB
0.1.0. Pueblan Milk snake "Oreo" adult CB
1.0.0. ASIAN GREEN SNAKE 3' WC Cyclophiops major
0.0.1. Savannah Monitor "CHOMPER"
0.1.0. Green Anole "Crystal" WC
1.0.0. K9 "ACE" Black Cockapoo
0.2.0. Feline"Felix"(R.I.P. 4/27/08) "Kaja" & "Silver"
0.1.0. calico RAT
2.4.?? Mice - Feeder farm - Crickets / fish
More herps than I could ever list out back on the land.

Well the opportunity has changed a bit. They have decided that they still want their boa, and have asked me if i want their ball python instead (my favorite kind of snake, btw), so that should make it somewhat easier to negotiate. I plan on getting a job within the next month (fingers crossed!), partly for reasons Wayne stated, partly because i like having a bit of spending money, and partly because i think it may help my chances with mom, lol. The situation with my grandparents IS temporary. If nothing else, i'm going to be 18 in 13 months, 8 days, 9 hours, and 10 minutes from the time i'm writing this, so with any luck, by then i should be able to find someplace to go. As i mentioned, i already have 3 birds, so moving can't be a problem, because people who won't accept birds and snakes is not a place i will live. First drivers license won't be a problem, because i have my permit and have been driving that way for almost 2 years. Driving has lost it's novelty. Girlfriend...Yeah it would be nice, but it isn't my top priority right now, mainly because i would be really BORING with no car and almost no money. Yes college could be a problem, but there is always a way around that. They have online classes, or i could just find a place to live outside of the college where i could keep my animals, because not even college is going to make me give up my birdies and my (soon to be) snake.
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-Jacob

I refuse to call what i have luck. It's much too consistent than that. I'm sure that's part of it, but there has to be some skill involved..........There has to be!

...Don't know how to post more than one photo, so this is just 2 of the three.

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-Jacob

I refuse to call what i have luck. It's much too consistent than that. I'm sure that's part of it, but there has to be some skill involved..........There has to be!

I finally see what's going on. I have successfully disproved everything she has thrown at me, so now it is just "You can't have a snake PERIOD." She just does not want me to have a snake. Somewhere in the back of my mind i knew this, but i thought she would be reasonable. Turns out i was wrong. She says "We can't get any more animals, we have enough.". I don't understand why she does this. We do have a few animals, but i'm going to be getting a job, and moving out soon, and one of our dogs is 15 years old. She says that i can't get a snake even after our older dog dies because we have too many animals right now, and when she dies, if i get another, it will be too much again. ARGH. I've tried to be patient, but this is beyond reason! Sorry for being mad, but...
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-Jacob

I refuse to call what i have luck. It's much too consistent than that. I'm sure that's part of it, but there has to be some skill involved..........There has to be!

Jacob,
If it's any condolence, the wisdom in your last post is beyond your actual years.

Regards,
Wayne
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1.0.0 Ball Python - Python regius "Cane" Rescue
1.2.9 Storeria dekayi Casper, Xena, Athena, & Kids
0.0.2 Thamnophis marcianus - Checkered Garters "spot" & "Zig"
0.0.1 Thamnophis sirtalis - eastern Garter - Princess
1.0.0 Thamnophis pickeringi - Puget Sound Garter "Sky" (adult, Sky blue)
0.0.1 Nerodia sipedon - Water Snake - "Aqua"
0.1.10 Storeria occipitomaculata - Red Belly snakes
0.0.1 Amelanistic Corn Snake "CY" Juvinile CB
0.1.0. Pueblan Milk snake "Oreo" adult CB
1.0.0. ASIAN GREEN SNAKE 3' WC Cyclophiops major
0.0.1. Savannah Monitor "CHOMPER"
0.1.0. Green Anole "Crystal" WC
1.0.0. K9 "ACE" Black Cockapoo
0.2.0. Feline"Felix"(R.I.P. 4/27/08) "Kaja" & "Silver"
0.1.0. calico RAT
2.4.?? Mice - Feeder farm - Crickets / fish
More herps than I could ever list out back on the land.

Thanks. I've warned her that i'm not going to give up, so anything past this is going to be what she brought on herself . Right now i am going to be focusing on getting a job, so there is going to be a guarantee that i can support the new animal (right now i probably could, but i won't have enough money for the extras, although i would still be able to feed it, don't worry about that.). Once i get a job, and my first paycheck, then i will resume more intense negotiations, but for now it will just be a jab here and there .
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-Jacob

I refuse to call what i have luck. It's much too consistent than that. I'm sure that's part of it, but there has to be some skill involved..........There has to be!

Just remember: college student = no money. I hope everything works out for you.

theres always a way to work things out, no matter what. You just have to be clever enough to figure out how.
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-Jacob

I refuse to call what i have luck. It's much too consistent than that. I'm sure that's part of it, but there has to be some skill involved..........There has to be!

Wow, sorry about that last message. That's a perfect example of what you get if you go straight from text messaging on MSN to posting on kingsnake.
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-Jacob

I refuse to call what i have luck. It's much too consistent than that. I'm sure that's part of it, but there has to be some skill involved..........There has to be!

It's no problem. I've been around here long enough to grow pretty thick-skinned.

Okay, I know you're working most of this out, currently, but here are some words from another mother.

I didn't have any reptiles until I managed to move out on my own. The excuse was always "we have too many animals as it is" and "your grandmother and aunt are terrified of 'creepy crawlies' and they won't come visit if you have one of those! They barely tolerate the hamsters!!"

My first herp was an iguana won at a county fair... it died because I didn't know enough about husbandry and had no clue that the wonderful "perfect" heat rock I had for him would roast him. The second herp, a hatchling beardie, I bought at a reptile show after I was married, while I already owned two dogs, two horses, two ferrets, two birds, and a rabbit. Yet again, the evil heat rock struck another lizard down.

Thus, I learned my lesson, one that I am passing on to my children. Yes, I will be getting a snake for my older son when I believe he is old enough. However, prior to that, I have bought him many snake books and he is learning about them constantly. If he doesn't consider 'herpetologist' as a career, then I haven't tried hard enough. ^_^

My advice: When a mother makes up her mind, there's RARELY a chance to change it, especially when it comes to animals. Definitely just stick it out and when you eventually move out, get yourself an awesome snake. Until then, keep learning everything you can about them because some of the advice changes from year to year. Especially as people learn more about captive snakes.

By the way, initially I was going to ask you what type of snake you were getting, because I thought it was entirely possible that it was a size issue. Boas and pythons can seem monstrous to mothers. It might be easier to persuade her with a colorful garter or corn.

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Holly

0.1 Lavender California Kingsnake (Lizzie Borden) (missing )
1.0 Florida Kingsnake (Eddie Gein)
0.0.2 Cornsnakes
1.0 Bearded Dragon (Charley Manson)
1.0 Orange Marmalade Cat (Oliver)
1.0 Black Cat (Shadowfax)
1.0 Egyptian Arabian (Bagan) (Deceased )
1.0 Tennessee Walking Horse (Durango)

2.0 Toddlers (Justice & Trevor)

Well it was a RTB, but they decided they were too attached to it, so they offered a baby Ball Python. I thought that would make it easier to negotiate, but it didn't. I think 16 (17 in a month) is old enough to have a snake. She used to say when i was 18 i could get a snake, but now it's "when you move out". She keeps saying that there's a good reason why i can't have one, but the more i think about it and talk about it with her, the more i'm starting to think that she just doesn't want to be a room away from an animal that she hates. BTW, i'm looking into Ethology .
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-Jacob

I refuse to call what i have luck. It's much too consistent than that. I'm sure that's part of it, but there has to be some skill involved..........There has to be!

I think many of us dealt with the "get what you want when you move out" sentiment. Unfortunately most people's fear of snakes is unfounded and irrational. When the word "snake" comes into conversation the doors close and it can become like talking to a brick wall. As I mentioned earlier, if a person is willing it is generally very easy to break apart that fear with some positive experiences and a close encounter with a friendly snake. I never understood this until well after I moved out of the house but these days my mom is OK with snakes and would not mind having them in her home. I originally was going to move back home for the summer (graduating with a degree in Wildlife Biology in a week and would love a few months without rent and bills) but the new Step Father is terrified of snakes to the point of getting upset at their mention and is unwilling to consider meeting one before passing judgment. Such is life -- I'll just have to find a new apartment when this lease is up. It's annoying but if you think about it, you are asking to bring an animal into somebody else's house (you may live there but it is your mother's house). You won't live there forever and it's true that when you leave those barriers will not exist anymore. When that time does finally come it will seem like it just flew by!

I'd say go ahead and bring it up again when you have that job but don't sweat it too much if things don't work out. You mentioned earlier also that you could take online classes for college and I just wanted to say that I think doing so just for the sake of owning a snake would be wise. If you have other reasons for going to college online then go right ahead but if it's just the snake then it's probably something you will come to regret later. Snakes are [usually] not allowed in dorms but unofficially, I don't think it's a problem as long as they can fit in a 20-gallon tank AND your roommate is ok with it. I know several people who have kept snakes in their dorms and it's never been an issue. There are occasional health and saftey inspections but by law the school is required to notify you of those at least 24 hours in advance so you can just unplug the heat lamp and cover it up or something. Take into account though that in this scenario you would need to take the snake home for breaks and then you are right back to where you started. Perhaps your mother will be ok with having a snake in the house for only a few months out of the year? More ideally you can move into an apartment instead. Most schools have their financial aid program set up so that if you are not living on campus you actually get a check at the start of each semester to cover the costs of rent. Personally I think living in a dorm for at least a year is part of the college experience and while it was not always enjoyable, I think I'm better off having gone through it. I personally waited until after leaving the dorms before getting a snake and I feel that I am better able to care for them as a result. Constantly moving around back and forth is stressful to them and probably not a fair thing to put them through. In the meantime, if there are any natural areas near your home why don't you try visiting them and looking for snakes in the wild (if you don't already do this). It's sort of fun learning a piece of land and knowing where you can find snakes during what time of year and getting that field experience will certainly help you in your study of ethology .

Wow, I'm still typing. That's probably good for now. I think I only meant to type a sentence or two...

Thanks all of you for your support, and advice. I guess what my mom has isn't really a fear, as much as it is a total disinterest and a borderline hate, although she was kinda proud of herself when she touched the snake i was using at the display at the Minneapolis Pet Expo (i volunteered for the MHS there, and just borrowed snakes from people . It was fun.), so i don't know. Gah, what else was i gonna say...OH YEAH, how could i forget that? I'm going on my first herping trip a week after my birthday! There's a survey going on with the MHS at this one park, and i'm going, YAY! =]
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-Jacob

I refuse to call what i have luck. It's much too consistent than that. I'm sure that's part of it, but there has to be some skill involved..........There has to be!