NEWS JOURNAL (Pensacola, Florida) 26 July 08 Why did the turtle cross the road?
When people say, "There ought t' be a law," they nearly always mean a law which forbids someone else from doing something which they personally don't do.
This is similar to a saying in a church bulletin I read once: "The worst sins are those of which I am not guilty." Restated: "If I do it, it's OK, if I don't do it, nobody should be allowed to do it."
People for The Ethical Treatment of Animals are fascinating, kindhearted creatures. Awhile back one insisted the keeping of any turtle should be illegal, partly because some endangered turtles are accidentally taken as pets, partly because of the belief that owning any animal is unethical.
Few will admit it, but you know in your heart some would outlaw killing fleas if they could do so without being personally flea bit.
An animal control officer came by to check on stray dogs in Bluff Springs. Did I own such and such a dog? Nope, never owned an animal in my life. Was that dog food sitting there? Nope, cat food for my wife's cats and the possum which keeps coming by. Aren't you feeding a dog? Only if it steals it from the possum.
Being a wise man and knowing to avoid irrational people, he left.
But we were talking turtles. Their remains are often found along the road even though all decent people try to avoid them (ethics again, you know). I saw a box shell turtle up the road from my house, realized it was in danger of being flattened by some less ethical person, or at least by someone distracted by conversation on a cell phone, scooped it up to safety, released it at home. I had done my good deed for the year and it was only June.
The next day I went out to check on the squash. Gone, gone, gone — half left, the turtle snapping up the last of it. Ungrateful reptile! No good deed goes unpunished.
Some time later, I chanced upon another in the road, knew I had no squash this time, brought it home to safety in Bluff Springs. The next day I saw the aforementioned stray dog gnawing on its empty shell. It seems dogs don't understand the ethical flaws of being carnivores.
Later I chanced across yet another turtle, walking at a turtle's pace (which it must, by definition) down in Pensacola. I left it alone until it had safely passed to the shoulder of the road. Even the dullest can learn eventually. I hope PETA approves; doubt the dog does.
Why did the turtle cross the road?