>>they have an entirely different head shape??? A corn has a much more pointy snout and also, they have a much more defined neck area, whereas lampropeltis tend to have a stubby little head with hardly any defining neck region.
Did you LOOK at the two head shots I posted?
Here's just the heads again, comparing your snake to an ultramel corn:

There's nothing especially pointy about the corn head I posted, nor especially defined about the neck.
>>The other characteristics that separate this animal from a corn are its SCALES. They are extremely smoother and shiny, like GLASS.
This is something that's hard to see in many pics. For instance, do the scales in this pic look smooth or keeled?:

>>Like a kingsnake... like a milksnake, and NOT like a cornsnake. Yet another... are its extremely neat saddles?
Hmmmm, this is a new one for me. Thanks for the education!
Does one of these look significantly more regular in the saddles than the other?

>>Yet another characteristic is the side pattern, the little bars and markings on the lower sides under the saddles.
Like this?

>>I don't need a freaking scientist or any amount of books to know what I am looking at in my home state of PENNSYLVANIA.
Ah, thanks! See how simple it is to simply answer a question, instead of folks throwing all the drama and hysteria around? According to the All Taxa Biodiversity Inventory there is a population of corns on the southern border of PA, but your location does make it much much less likely that your snake would be a corn. Thanks for that info!
>>But it does kinda make ya look like a noob!
Oh hey, no problem. I'm not a newbie to keeping snakes, but I am most definitely no expert on herp taxonomy. That's why I ask questions -- in order to learn.
You know, just recently a professional herp breeder claimed that he had found a pied corn snake in the wild. Thanks in part to the questioning of folks looking at photos of that snake, it was soon proven that the snake was actually a garter -- not a corn at all. So even the pros get fooled. It pays to ask questions!
>>A photo of the anal plate will now not come for a few days. I refuse to bother her, as while I was away at work today SHE ATE A PINKY!!!! The last thing I need is to disturb her and to stress her into regurgitation.
Perfectly understandable. I hope to see that photo after she's had a chance to digest!
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0.1 Peruvian rainbow boa (Amaru)
2.0 Brazilian rainbow boas (Arco, Olho)
0.3 Honduran milksnakes (Chicchan, Chanir, Hari)
1.0 Thayeri kingsnake (Coatl)
0.0.1 Mexican black kingsnake (TBA)
2.7 corns (Cetto, Tolosa, Uce, TBA)
1,000,000.1,000,000 other critters