My yellow lab died about a year and a half ago.
She was eleven and had cushing's disease.
She was such a huge part of my life, such a good friend, the sweetest dog I ever knew.
I had her from the time she was eight weeks old.
Every weekend (except in winter) I would take her swimming at the dog beach, a couple times a week I'd take her for a walk in the woods, every day I walked her a few blocks around the neighborhood, and of course there were all the rituals that are a part of owning a dog: the feedings, the baths...going places in the car...
I miss all of that.
And I miss the silliness and the freedom to play and fun. I miss sleeping with her, and using her as a "pillow" when I watched tv. I miss loving her, and I miss her love. I miss her at chirstmas.I miss her everyday.I miss her big waggy tail and her puppy-like personality. I miss her joy.
I still have pictures of her all over the house. I have a drawer with her collar and tags and toys and food-dish, etc. in it.
I still cannot let her go. I still have a broken heart.
I still re-live the day I had to put her down, and wonder if I made the right choice. I didn't want her to suffer.
I agonize over the times where I was busy and didn't give her enough attention.
After a year and a half, I expected to be somewhat over this. but I am not. She was such a permanent fixture at my side, for so long,and one of the best friends I ever had.
What do I do with all of this grief? Is it normal?
