Reptile & Amphibian Forums

This isn't usually done here but I would like to ask for lots of glow for a friend's family. Her husband is having his right leg amputated next week. There was talk of a false pelvis being put in but I'm not sure about that.
Cancer was found in March but they've been unable to get it all through surgeries. He's a big man, about 6'5" and they've gone out of state for treatment and are in an apartment there. Now, won't be able to return to their home because it's not handicapped accessible. I really think their kids will convince them to move totally which would mean leaving all their support systems here. (Have lived in the same house nearly forty years)Obviously, I worry about her as caregiver because he's always been very needy.

Does anyone have any experience with this severe type life change?
Little things that only an insider would know?

Thanks for the patience for this OT note when we've had such
fun things going.

The one thing that I can tell you is that his wife will need all the support that she can get just in just handling the "caregiver" role, and, if the kids try to talk them into moving, then they also need to be prepared to assume a whole lot of responsibility as well. I took care of Mom for over six years in dealing with her cancer. I only had my husband and my children for support(who did not live close by) - I had no brothers or sisters and my Dad died many years prior. Mom tried to hang on at home because that was where she wanted to stay and die. Unforunately for the last two months that was not the case and I had to really get firm to make her come here - actually I did not ask her anymore I just went and got her and physically put her in my car. There comes a time when you have to be brave enough to stand up and do what you know best, regardless of what someone wants, and not feel guilty because you cannot follow the wishes of the one that is sick. Just from your comments, I see hard times ahead for the both of them. They will be in my thoughts and prayers.
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Boris's Human, Pam

Of course we can send glows for your friend and her family. AS for major lifestyle changes, everyone deals with them differently. My parents are dealing with some now and they are not dealing real well somedays and other days they do better. There are support groups for amputee's in most cities so you might have your friend look into some of those for both her and her hubby!!
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Tessa Onyx, Foudini, Charlee, Spottie, ShyRaven, Buddy, Tuxie, Widdle Attila Sipowitz, Lizzie, Minnie, ET, Mylo, Penny (We be house cats at last), and Salem, Wicca and Marmalade (We iz also house cats, we guess)and the 5 porch kits also Riley da goggie and Buddha da baby hamster too
Tabitha and Samantha..always in our hearts
A house without cats is like a garden without flowers

Sending GLOWS - your friend will need them. Tranforming the the house to accommodate his disability might take less effort and money than expected. A handful of adaptations made it possible for my mom to stay in her own home for 20 years now. But help with the day to day chores and frequent breaks where your friend can go out even for just a few hours are a must. I wish her all the best in this difficult time.

Purrs,

Elizabeth

I am sorry to hear your friends are facing this.

With my grandfather, we did everything we could to keep him in his apartment, had people check in on him regularly, etc., until he just could not stay alone (had a bad fall outside when talking with neighbors which caused a head injury, leading to memory loss problems). We kept him in a nursing home in his community, actually attached to his church's property so people he went to church could visit him after church on Sundays. It was an hour and a half drive for our family to visit him (at least weekly), but we found keeping him in familiar surroundings worked best. My parent's tried to get him to move in with us prior to his fall, but he really wanted to stay in his own home (he stayed with us on weekends quite a bit). So, for as long as he could, my parents put things in place to allow him to be independent (Meals on Wheels, etc.) After the fall, they had no choice but to give him full time nursing care in a facility (he could not function on his own, needed a cathator) and I was very glad they decided to keep him in a facility in his home town vs. moving him to our home town to be more convenient to us... I felt they put his needs first.

It is a very tough decision. There really is no right or wrong answer, but my thoughts are that if I were in the same situation, I would do everything I can to meet the wishes of the parents, until it came to a point when they just had to have additional care and could not stay at home. First, I'd try to bring the care to them if it was feasible... Each situation is different, and it is impossible to decide what is best for one family vs. another. Something they will have to work out.
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Tammy and Pookey
(Stanley 8/91 - 8/07)

That has me thinking -- has your friend checked into what his insurance/Medicare will allow? There may be things that can help her take care of him. He may be allowed daily nurse visits to help with bathing, etc. I know my elderly neighbors continued to live on their own into their 80s, even after he had significant heart problems/surgery. A nurse came into the home every day of the week, or at least several days of the week and helped him bathe and do other things... As long as your friend can go to the bathroom on his own, his wife may be able to manage if she can get some assistance during the week (nurse visit). She can provide him meals, but to have to bathe him and help him around may be too much. Meals on Wheels is another thought if she starts getting exhausted -- they will bring daily meals once a day so she won't have to cook and worry about that for a main meal... If she checks into what type home care is available, it may help answer what they do... I would think at least initially he would have some home care allowed.

I wish your friends the very best during this difficult time.
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Tammy and Pookey
(Stanley 8/91 - 8/07)

First of all, tons of glow heading your way, you're going to need it. My husband was ill with cancer for three years before his death and it was often a trying time. One thing for sure, familiar surroundings can make a big difference in a patients outlook on life. And yes there are places you can get assistance in home care. Talk to the doctors, they usually know whats available. The last few months with my husband, I was able to get a visiting nurse on a daily basis to help with bathing, medicines, etc. and also with a certain amount of cleaning, things like keeping his room clean, changing his bed, it was a great help...and I agree, it may not cost as much as you think to make the house handicap accessible.
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PHTessie