Reptile & Amphibian Forums

:::Flea watch da low life implementor finish hangink da sign to hims new office, "Flea Bailey, Esquire"::

Nice liddil hamlet youse gots here, so cool I thunk I wuld move heere myownself. I iz heer if youse need me, speshully you Peppir, I gots to pay fer da rennovashions to dis bildink.

Regards
Flea

::epper sets up a brand new offise right next door to Flea's office. Pepper sign reads:

Marriage Counselor, You got the problems, I got the answers!!

Pepper quite proud that he can begin working on mending some of the broken marriages in this village er hamlet.::::
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Pepper (one, fine, little dood)

>>Marriage Counselor, You got the problems, I got the answers!!
>>

Do you need a surrigate????
Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mommy!!!!!!!! I lovvvveeeeee you!!!

gonzo

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Gonzo, WoooLee, Stumpy and Squashy

::oucette looks around siruptishusly (or some way) to see iffn enny notisses her going into Pepper's Meowrridge Counseling offiss. She need adbice on what to do. She neber see her hubbykit, RexyRex Rexford, enny more. He started dat Farm and Sooticuls cumpany and now he so bizzy wiff rich kits who giff munny fur him's cumpany dat he haff no time fur him's fambly. He missed walking Annie down da ile when she meowrried Sam CCarlini, and now he haff missed Tare's wedding to Franci. Poucette's besides herownself wunnering what to do. She hope Pepper can help her:::
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The Wiscats: "Every life should have [at least] 9 cats"! Or is it "Cheaper by the [almost] dozen"??
The Excellent Lady Sophie-Marie Wiscat-StLouie
Poucette-Noelle CCarlini-Rexford
Simba Wiscat
Henri le Chanceux Wiscat
Minette Wiscat-CCarlini
Monsieur Gervais le Blanc Wiscat
Annie-Claire Rexford-CCarlini
Andre-Guillaume Wiscat
Beau Wiscat
Giselle-Elizabeth SpankyRanch
Sylvie-Chantal la Joie Wiscat-SpankyRanch
~~ and varying numbers of foster kitties coming and going - right now Violet and BIG kittens Gerry, Daisy, and Mike, plus Cece and orphan kittens, Bud, Night, Cookie and Cupcake ~~

. Poucette need adbice on what to do. She neber see her hubbykit, RexyRex Rexford,

:epper invite hims very first client into hims new offise and haff her take a seat. In the leather chair what is lavender in coloration and soft as butter. Poucette sink way down into the puffy, cushy cushion and almost only her sweet, little head visible. Pepper take a seet behind hims brand new desk. What is dark bootiful mahogany wood from the exotic place whereby mahogany wood come from. But all this neither here nor there and lest we digress.:::

Poucette. You adorable, lovely, sweet, deer kit, I have given much thought to your marital trubles and hope I can respond in foreright and helpful manner. Someone who not know of your circumstance might hastily say, "Oh; absence makes the heart grow fonder and hence you must be mightily in love by now with RexyRex having not seed hide nor hare of him for literally years now!!" MOL But you and I know this is not the case.

That same somebuddy who not know you well might hastily add, "Oh; relationships can and do, indeed, survive very well despite long distances and if it's meant to be, it will be!!". But, I would like to relate a personal experience, if I may, to tell you what I think about your said sitooation.

You may or may not remember but years and years ago, I was involved deeply with a kit named "Crystal"... Do you remember this? It was about 1998. For reel. Crystal and I were in luff but alas, she disappeared for several months. Do you recall? Well, perhaps you do not but maybe somebuddy in your family (such as Mousetti?). Well, so, but, anyway, I was very hurt that she could just vanish off the planet Earth and forget about me so easily when my heart was ripped from my chest in pain over losing her. I was broken-hearted for a long, long time. sniff, sniff, sniff.

:epper dab at hims eyes with him hankie:::

Well, anyway, I felt a little better over time and eventually I happened to meet a very, very lovely and wonderful kit name "Mrs. Tortie". Now I know you remember this!! She was so sensitive and kind and dear and after a while she and I became involve. She and I seriously thinking of marriage. But alas! Guess who came back into said picture and just about shock the pants offa me?? None odder than ...you guess it! CRYSTAL!! "EEEEK!" I am thinking to my ownself at the time. Seriously. It was EEK time at that point.

Let me take a break here and we can continue shortly okay? Pepper leaf the room to cry into hims hankie outta sight of Poucette::::
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Pepper (one, fine, little dood)

"Crystal"... Do you remember this? It was about 1998.>>

MamaMinette does.

I happened to meet a very, very lovely and wonderful kit name "Mrs. Tortie". Now I know you remember this!!>>

She was my birf moffur......

:oucette dabs at her own eyebolls while waiting fur Pepper to return and help wiff her problem...:::
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The Wiscats: "Every life should have [at least] 9 cats"! Or is it "Cheaper by the [almost] dozen"??
The Excellent Lady Sophie-Marie Wiscat-StLouie
Poucette-Noelle CCarlini-Rexford
Simba Wiscat
Henri le Chanceux Wiscat
Minette Wiscat-CCarlini
Monsieur Gervais le Blanc Wiscat
Annie-Claire Rexford-CCarlini
Andre-Guillaume Wiscat
Beau Wiscat
Giselle-Elizabeth SpankyRanch
Sylvie-Chantal la Joie Wiscat-SpankyRanch
~~ and varying numbers of foster kitties coming and going - right now Violet and BIG kittens Gerry, Daisy, and Mike, plus Cece and orphan kittens, Bud, Night, Cookie and Cupcake ~~

>>>I happened to meet a very, very lovely and wonderful kit name "Mrs. Tortie". Now I know you remember this!!>>

>>>She was my birf moffur......

Iz you her daddy?

Do you need a surrigate????
---------

if you are ready, willing and able to do dis, I'd appreciate it and will pay you top dollar.

Ms. BoOm BOom, if you agree to same sexual relations and dat includes married, can we go on a date? MOL.

I've been in the company of a cute dog named Fazooli who is working at a cucini in Sicilee.

Den a gigolo, Mr. Boomer came to a few pardees. He wanted to wine and dine me. I knew he was lookin furr more than dinner and dessert so that's history.

Purrhaps I'll set up an appointment with Pepper, marriage counsellor/social advisor, MOL.

Ciao

-----
ZOE
New York Cat

:epper compose himownself and walk back into hims office where sweet, patient, little Poucette is waiting and Pepper notice a line is forming out front of hims offise door and him wonder why him not set up this storefront way before now since obviously there a great need of marital harmony help in this hamlet! But again this neither here nor there. presently.::

Pardon my rudeness, Poucette. I became overly emotional momentarily but I okay now. sniff, sniff, sniff. '

Let's see. Where waz I? Oh yes. Well, along come Crystal waltzing back into my life like she only missing for minutes when in fact it were almost a year or so. I was freaking out to say the least but rationality grabbed hold of my brain and I calmly and expertly put up a brave front and fooled most every around at that time. I wroted Crystal a letter on these here boards and told her that while she would always have a special place in my heart, alas my heart belonged in totality to another female kit. I no longer care that much for Crystal and her cold-heartedness ways.

Anyway, I never heared from Crystal again. She lefted for good. I sorry about it but in the end, it worked out for the best as I marry Mrs. Tortie until she gotted adopted by the CIA and Witness Protection Program gave her a brand new locale and identity and alas I never seed her again either. Woe is me twice over. I was thinking this story has a good ending but as I say it and see it in print, I see it not very encouraging. MOL

I guess what my advise to you is: You may have loved RexyRex very much at one point in your life but perhaps it is time to move on and open up to the possibility that he very well may not be coming back. You cannot wait forever for somebuddy who is gone and not giving you any indication that he will return. I sorry to say this but you must admit it is very likely. Your life is short and you deserve much happiness. I say meet new people and explore new relationships and if one develops into something serious then go for it. Forget about RexyRex and seek a divorce. If he comes back and you are still available and unattached emotionally to anyone else and still fond of him, then rekindle your relationship/marriage with him but if he do not care enough about you feelings to come back and commit to this marriage then the heck with him. Adios Amigo!!

I not like to advise any to divorce. It not a casual or light decision but you cannot go on pining for someone who callous to your feelings forever. You think about what I say and in your soul, you will make the correct choice in matters of your heart. I hope I have not upset you Poucette. Good-bye now. And Good Luck to you!! Next!!
-----
Pepper (one, fine, little dood)

Forget about RexyRex and seek a divorce.
------

do you hab a pre-nup?

Didn't dat kit Sexy Rexy go into big bizness or was dat his hoomins?
-----
ZOE
New York Cat

Ashum meanwhile haff been eavesdwoppink at da winnow and he dabs at hims own eyebolls wiff a purrty little handerkerchief wiff embroidered tree legged turkits on it dat him stoled .. err borrowed .. outta Peppers lingerie drawer.

Him is overcome at such sage adbice dat Pepper has giffen to da dear sweet Poucette.

Him feel totally unqualified to be writink da adbice columm in da Meowchat Mews.... Mebbe Pepper will be takink his job away frum him.... well no he pwobalby won't since Nikki is da editor. He gots an in wiff da boss, so to speak, and dat a dood fing.

Anyways, him jus finks dat Pepper giff good adbice!
-----
Ashums
I always haff sumfing to say!

>>I guess what my advise to you is: You may have loved RexyRex very much at one point in your life but perhaps it is time to move on and open up to the possibility that he very well may not be coming back. You cannot wait forever for somebuddy who is gone and not giving you any indication that he will return. I sorry to say this but you must admit it is very likely. Your life is short and you deserve much happiness. I say meet new people and explore new relationships and if one develops into something serious then go for it. Forget about RexyRex and seek a divorce. If he comes back and you are still available and unattached emotionally to anyone else and still fond of him, then rekindle your relationship/marriage with him but if he do not care enough about you feelings to come back and commit to this marriage then the heck with him. Adios Amigo!!
>>
>>I not like to advise any to divorce. It not a casual or light decision but you cannot go on pining for someone who callous to your feelings forever. You think about what I say and in your soul, you will make the correct choice in matters of your heart.

::oucette tries to hold back her tears as she pays Pepper fur hims sound adbice, shakes hims paw and leeves da offiss. She haff to admit dat she haff thot ob dis befur, but she not sure she can go fru wiff it. If only she cud see Wexy...meow it ober wiff him...ask him iffn he eber plan to cum back to hims fambly.......:::
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The Wiscats: "Every life should have [at least] 9 cats"! Or is it "Cheaper by the [almost] dozen"??
The Excellent Lady Sophie-Marie Wiscat-StLouie
Poucette-Noelle CCarlini-Rexford
Simba Wiscat
Henri le Chanceux Wiscat
Minette Wiscat-CCarlini
Monsieur Gervais le Blanc Wiscat
Annie-Claire Rexford-CCarlini
Andre-Guillaume Wiscat
Beau Wiscat
Giselle-Elizabeth SpankyRanch
Sylvie-Chantal la Joie Wiscat-SpankyRanch
~~ and varying numbers of foster kitties coming and going - right now Violet and BIG kittens Gerry, Daisy, and Mike, plus Cece and orphan kittens, Bud, Night, Cookie and Cupcake ~~

:::meanwhile back in the offise, Pepper shuffles a whole bunch of papers which are blank; totally devoid of any writing on them, but he bounces them on edge up and down on hims mahogany desk several times between hims paws and then carefully aligns the right edge of them with the right edge of hims bootiful desk. Him obsessive-compulsive disorder is clearly making itself known today. MOL Pepper want hims desk to look clean and tidy and organize but that neither here nor there. Pepper go to the door and invite Miss Zoe to come in and have a seat in the leather chair.::::

Hallow Miss Zoe. You are looking mightily pretty today. Now you meow that you are wishing to begin a romantical relationship with a one Miss BoOmBoOm and wish my thoughts on this matter, is that correct? While I must tell you right up front, I am most certainly NOT a psychologist nor am I an optomologist nor even a optometrist nor even an occulist, I do have many life experiences which I feel qualify me to pass along advice of the matters of the heart. I am actually a marriage counselor and while you are not exactly marry just yet to Miss BooMBOOm, I will try and help you out.

::Just then Pepper's eyes happenstance upon a teeny, tiny peep hole in the shared wall between his offise and that of Flea Bailey's! Pepper is outraged! Flea is eavesdropping on Pepper's private consultations with hims clients!! Harumph! Pepper will confront Flea later about this injustice and illegal thing!! But for now, he will pretend to not notice anything amiss and continue addressing Miss Zoe:::

Um, Miss Zoe, may I relate a personal story that is relevant to your sitooation? Onse upon a time, long, long ago when I was just a young and tender kit, I met a very kindly and worldly and compassionate older male kit. Let's call him Sheriff "Tam" to protect hims identity for the time being. MOL Well, so, but, anyway, Sheriff Tam was my mentor and I had a wonderful working relationship with him and over time, I came to admire and respect and worship him. I actually kissed the ground on which Sheriff Tam walked on! This is a troo fact. However, alas, Sheriff Tam did not feel quite the same way as I did and did not exactly return the romantical feelings. That part not exactly mutual, but him liked me tons and tons. I might add. I just know that deep down in hims heart, he had guarded romantical feelings for me that he could not bring himself to admit.

But that did not deter me from continuing to love him in many ways. He was my hero. He was my everything. This is something every in MCV do not know, but when I try to kiss Sheriff Tam on the lips, him moved away and never cameded back to our village!! WAAA WAAA WAAA :epper runs from the room and is heard loudly bawling and crying and weeping in the back room::::

Shortly Pepper returns with teer-stained face and dabbing at hims eyes. He requests a little time to compose hims self and gather hims thoughts. Miss Zoe files her claws while waiting in the soft, cushy, leather chair and peeps out the corner of her one eye at Pepper. Pepper will continue shortly after he stops thinking about the loss of Sheriff Sam...er I mean Sheriff TAM:::
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Pepper (one, fine, little dood)

::after a brief time, pepper returns to the offise setting fully composed and professional-like.::

Please forgive me, Miss Zoe. I become so emotional and distraught when I relive my past romantical involvements which have been very numerous over the years. Let's see now. where was I? Oh yes. Well, anyway, basically my story is over but let me tell you what I think about your own situation:

What concerns me most is your youth and innocence and naivete. What are you now? A little over 2 years old? In hooman years that would be about between 16-24 years of age, I think. You are so young and impressionable and inexperienced, whether you believe it or not. You are just now discovering that you have feelings of love and infatuation and sexooality. You could have a tendency to jump into a relationship without realizing the consequences or long-term effects. And this worries me.

Every has young loves at your age and this is very natural to want to explore many types of relationships at your age. Most relationships, however, do not develop into greatly serious, long-term meetings of the hearts and minds. They iz what you call 'infatuations'. This is what I believe you have with Miss BOOmBoOM. You see her as someone who possesses the qualities you admire and perhaps wish you had for yourself. She is bootiful ~ that goes without saying! For sure! Hubba Hubba! She is independent and out-spoken and not afraid of or intimidated by any other kit. She is intelligent and articulate and certainly does exactly as she pleases without giving thought to what others think about her. She is a most self-confident kit and has a high self-esteem despite the jealousies of other kits and despite their constant efforts to tear her down. She rises well above the riff-raff. Do you agree with what I have mentioned thus far, Miss Zoe? So it no wonder that you love the kit that she is...we all do! Well, most of us do. Well, a pawful of us too. Well, I certainly do, that for sure!! MOL

Well, so, but, anyway, what I trying to say here is that it is very understandable and natural that you admire somebuddy who possesses the qualities and personality and physical attributes that you yourself covet. But it does not always follow soot that just because you admire somebuddy that you iz in love with that said somebuddy or they with you. You might think so, but it is not the case. You might be confoozled at you young age.

What I suggest is this: Be open-minded to all types of friendships and relationships. Not every is going to fit into a mold which many other kits consider "Normal". Do not be judgemental nor throw stones at those who are doing things that do not happen to meet your own beliefs and values. Unless it is illegal or immoral and then throw all the stones you want!! MOL But be compassionate and show understanding to those who may not live up to your high standards. They iz only trying to live their own lives the best they can. As you should, yours.

Forge a friendship with Miss bOOMbOOm. Tell her that you wish to be her friend. That is all you should wish at this point in time. Do not stalk her. Do not be over-bearing, but be her friend. You both are deserving of that and one can never have too many friends, in my opinion. And, if the friendship naturally develops into something 'more' over time, then cross that bridge when you get to it. Just be your natural and lovely self. I am sure Miss BoOMbOOm will be pleased and flattered to have such a wonderful, young gurlkit as her friend.

I think you have some maturing to do yet, Miss Zoe. I am not saying this to be mean or as a negative thing; just that you are young and I am a little older and wiser.

Just let things develop naturally over the course of time and if some type of romantical situation happens, then good for the boff of you. If not, then what have you in the end? Just a lovely and deer friend for life. Win-Win for boff of you. You will meet many more kits in the next few years. Some of them will mean more to you than others but you will find that 'right' kit sooner or later. Just be yourself and it will happen!! Be patient! Now you run along and go invite Miss BooMbOOM to a movie or lunch or go to the park with her. She is an extraordinary ladykit and she will welcome the opportunity to get to know you better. Good-Bye and Good Luck!!
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Pepper (one, fine, little dood)

:epper sits down at hims mahogany desk to write some follow-up letters of correspondence to hims most recent clientele. Him take one of the many blank sheets of paper on hims obsessively neat desk and begin to compose a note:::

Dir Mrs. Poucette,

First, may I take this opportunity to tell you how much I appreciated your visit to this here offise yesserday afternoon. It always such a pleasure to visit with you. After you left, I was knocking my own hollow head against the wall for not remembering that you are my stepdaughter kit of long ago!! EEK! What a poor memory I have. Please forgive my thoughtlessness.

Secondly, please find your check enclosed in this envelope. I would never accept payment from you for my services. I am not a professional nor do I profess to know any more about anything than the average kit what walks down any alley. I am but a lowly volunteer here with no formal training or skooling. Mainly, I am just trying to kill some time. MOL Mr. Ashums is the professional kit in these matters and I defer to him anytime. So, I return your check but thank you for flattering me.

Thirdly, I would never, ever suggest divorce or anullment to any kit lightly. I was merely posing it to you as a potential option in light of your situation with a one Mr. Rexford. I, personally, have nothing against divorce, though. I think that divorce is a very good alternative to living with someone in a loveless marriage where there is cheeting or fighting or constant quarreling. Neither of which applies to you. But, in a situation where one member of the relationship is gone and likely not coming back; and the marriage becomes a paper one only, then I think divorce can certainly be another option to consider. That do apply to you, in my opinion. But, the decision is yours and yours only, to weigh and for you to choose which path to take.

Finally, I wish you much happiness in whichever course you do decide upon. You are truly an amazing and wonderful kit and you deserve the best in this life. If it means that you are to end one relationship in order to begin another and have a fresh start, then so be it and I wish you nothing but the best.

Thank you for coming to see me and I hope that any advice I have given you has been helpful and constructive.

Love, Pepper

:epper seals the letter inside a lavender envelope along with Poucette's check and then he puts a 12-cent stamp on it and sprays it lightly with cologne and places it in his "OUT" Box.:::
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Pepper (one, fine, little dood)

Daddy kin I haf some money?

:epper takes time out to spend some quality minutes with this pesky new childkit of hims own. "Woe is Me" think Pepper to himownself. "This a good example of why it imperative that every gets they cats spay or neuter (or both!)...early on! I should have doed it to myownself years ago, but that water unner the bridge now!"....:::

Pepperoni, You not gay is you? Nevemind! Why don't you go get that game of Life and bring it here and you and me can play a round or two. Meanwhile let me compose one last piece of correspondence and then I will play with you...

Dir Mr. Ashums,

First, let me say that you is a one smart and edoocated kit. Unlike the writer of this here letter. MOL I hoping you do not mind that I have set up this marriage counseling offise. I find that I am way, way, way over my head here. I have only had two clients thus far and already I feel that I have not instructed them well with they concerns pertaining to marriage and relationships.

Secondly, this is a hard job! I have racked my brains trying to think of impartial, objective and constructive advice and may need to inquire of your help now and again. If I may.

Thirdly, I have a new pesky childkit. Name Pepperoni. So I must run along and entertain said kitten kit. Woe is me.

Finally, please accept my thanks and appreciation for some of the nice compliments you have paid me recently. I am only trying to be a good citizen of this community and live my life freely and happily with those whose company I sincerely enjoy. "Live and Let Live!". That is my motto!!

Your friend furrever, Pepper CCarlini Rise Ashtontosh, IIII
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Pepper (one, fine, little dood)

>>>You not gay is you?

No daddy or I wulda calt you "father". I iz not gay. I is a cwoss dwesser just like you. Kin I borrow sum clothez?

::next Pepper gets up and peeps through the teeny tiny little hole in the wall surely expecting to see Flea's eyebool staring back at him. But, alas, the room on the odder side of the wall is empty and no one is looking back from the odder side. Pepper chews up a stick of Joosy Froot gum reel quick like and then stuffs the wad of gum into the hole so no more peeping through the wall by that nasty creature, Flea!! Harumph!! Pepper go back to hims desk and take a fresh piece of paper for another letter:::

Dir Miss Zoe,

First, I wish to thank you for paying me a visit yesserday afternoon. You are a delightful and charming young gurlkit and it a pleasure to get to know you better.

Secondly, I think I may have made a mathematical mistake in figuring out your age according to hooman equivalence: I think that you're being slightly over 2 years old, in hooman years, you are barely 10-14 years of age. Something more like that. You are quite young, in odder words.

Thirdly, after you left, I was thinking that perhaps I did not truly respond to all of your questions re: a potential romantical relationship with a one Miss BoomBoOm. The part about same sex relationships. I may not be the best one to give my thoughts on this topic but let me say this:

What some consenting adult individuals (be they kits, dogs, horses, etc..) do in the privacy of they own bedrooms is, in my opinion, they business and they business alone. It is none of my concern. I would do well to just worry about myownself and not be concerning myownself with what others are doing in they own beds or in the privacy of they own homes. Amen. As long as they not hurting anyone else or posing a danger to me or odders, then what business is it of mine? This is my feelings. So, if you or anyone else wants to pursue a same sex relationship with a consenting adult kit or goggie or whomever; then more power to you. It None Of My Business! End of story.

Finally, I wish you and Miss BoomBoom a good time becoming friends. And, I reinforce what I told you yesserday about being open to any and all relationships at your young age. Develop good friendships primarily and if something more comes from that in time, then good. But if it is that you only remain good friends throughout, then that is even better. You have many, many years left to grow and learn. And, many friends to make!! Be in large groups of friends you own age, doing things you enjoy and interest you; I think that is the best advice I can give you. Don't hurry the romantical part of life; you have many years to wait for that.

Sincerely, Pepper

:epper seals the letter in the envelope and addresses it and puts 10-cent stamp on it and sprays it lightly with White Linen perfume and places it on top of Poucette's letter in the OUT Box:::
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Pepper (one, fine, little dood)

. I is a cwoss dwesser just like you. Kin I borrow sum clothez?

Dir Little BoyKit,

First, don't ever ask me for my clothes! I iz the only wearer of my clothings. This not negotiable. You are to stay outta my closet! End of story.

Finally, Read my lips: "Stay outta my closet!".

Love, Father Pepper of the Katolik Khurch
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Pepper (one, fine, little dood)

>>First, don't ever ask me for my clothes! I iz the only wearer of my clothings. This not negotiable. You are to stay outta my closet! End of story.
>>
>>Finally, Read my lips: "Stay outta my closet!".

Lookz like time fer me to make annudir visit aftur drinkink lots uf watir. It me or him. Pick.

BBbsahaaaaaaaahahaaaaaaaaa.
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Premium cat food, $1.49 a can
Bowl uf Poland Springs water, $.50
Warm bed to sleep in, Free
A perfekt tuxie such as myownself, Pwiceless

Gettink Kickeded Downstairs Not Goot Fer Resume But Who Wantz To Work?

He was my hero. He was my everything.
-------

well, dat is the way I tink of Ms. BoOm BOom - everything.

I heard about the Sheriff. Did they write the song, "Who Shot the Sheriff" after he left town?
-----
ZOE
New York Cat