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I (Shade) lettin mom tawk........Sorry for the long human post here but am at my wits end, to the point of discussing returning Shade...not for her behavior (love her!) but that Medley has totally changed personality from somewhat of a bully or at least always allowing her catitude to be known when we had Jep, Octy and Catiya to spending all her time in our bedroom rather than roaming the house or even going to favorite sunny spots, etc. It seems to be worsening by the day. She's always had water in there but have had to add food since she didn't eat for three days. She has used the shower stall for a LB which distresses me. She acts terrified of Shade. If I carry her out into another room, she hisses the whole time and then runs and gets on the highest thing and will stay there all day or most of the night, to the extent of pottying up there if she gets to that need. Sometimes I can't even pick her up without being bitten so I don't try. Eventually, about 2 a.m. she will find her way to the bed and sleep by me.
Have tried feliway and giving her extra attention, etc. Started out not so bad and she would just avoid Shade and when she did chase Shade (who would run) we hoped that would make her feel dominant she'd be okay but not the case. She seems to regress more daily. The vet has found nothing wrong and says just try to move a litterbox where we want her to go (Duh!) That won't work if she won't leave the room. I put a LB in a spare bathroom near ours but when I took her in to show her, she immediately ran back to our bedroom, hissing the whole way. Seriously don't want to put a box in the bedroom due to husband's breathing
/allery/sinus problems. Neither of us want to rehome Shade since she came from such a bad situation and will be a lap cat for me and likes to be petted but I also hate for Medley (around 10) to become this pitiful victim. She and Jep tolerated each other and would sleep a few feet apart in the sun after we lost O and C but they weren't buddies so don't think it's grief.
Guess she can live in the bedroom forever but that's sad and Shade goes around mewing for someone to play with her. Have never had a problem integrating cats, even up to 4 (Shade's been here since Oct) but it's getting worse instead of better and I'm so sad and frustrated am turning to my known source for good advice. Help!

Oh, deer, we gonna let mommy anshur dis...

Unless Im totaly confused here, all three of Medley's sisters have gone to the bridge, the ones she lived with a long time. And one was just recently. My guess is that she is in mourning. I had this kind of experience with Shorty, if you remember her. The two older cats that raised her went to the bridge about a year apart and when the second one left us , Shorty went into the spare room and refused to come out. If I brought her out she would fight and scratch and run right back. She would not come out to eat or use the lb. I had to put everything in there for her. I would go sit with her and talk to her. This lasted about two or three weeks. Then little by little she started coming out again and eventually she was her old self. Give her some time an patience. Don't try to force her. She may just need this time to grieve...I hope this helps...
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Franci, Oreo, Caleb, Willow and Tita

I will let mom talk too.

BamBam

I know you recenty lost the last of your original cats, the ones that Medley was, though not friendly, at least familiar with. I have found that any time there is a change in living situations, cat relationships have to readjust.

It sounds like Medley feels safer up high. You might want to put some shelves and cat trees around the rooms so she can get around above the floor where Shade is. Even put a pan up there for her exclusive use along with some toys.

In the meantime, I would let Medley stay in the bedroom for now, but rather than just free-feeding both cats all day, I would feed the two of them at the same time on opposite sides of the door. That will get them closer to each other and give them a period of cooling off before trying to introduce them again.

After they are relaxed with each other on opposite sides of the door, open the door and put a baby gate there. Continue to feed them there at the same time and give them treats there too. Make coming face to face a pleasant thing for them.

I also recommend Spirit Essences from Jackson Galaxy. There is one called Scaredy Cat and one called Safe Space. I would use those for Medley as well. I have found them to be more effective than Feliway.

If Medley will still play, you might try getting them to play together using a laser pointer or two fishing pole toys. We are in that stage of introduction right now as we try to integrate our foster cat, Calley, with Bam and Cuddles. Calley feels safer up high too, so we set up ways for her to get up to the top of a bookcase and showed her how to do it with the laser pointer. Between the use of the Spirit Essences, the play times, and her ability to find high ground where she feels safe, it's going fairly well.

Hope this helps.

Sharon

Sharon
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The Zoo Crew
BamBam and Cuddles

Whiskers, Minx, Misty, Boo, Patches and Tinkerbell will live forever in our hearts.

Ok, this is quite a dilemma. Us cats can be quite puzzling at times. Our Omi had a kitty named Baby what never came out of Omi's room...ever....in her whole 12 years with them. She was an adult when Omi got her. She always had an open door, but preferred to stay in there. The other cats could come in the room and Baby would jump to the top of the closet shelf. I dunno what to suggest really. Maybe have a talk with the vegetarian and/or a behaviorist. The Zoo kits said what I was gonna suggest. We'll send lotsa Glow for you though and hope that things work out.
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Luff,
The Catnip Crew....Riley, Ashley, Harley, Mushka and Nicky
In Loving Memory of our precious Bridge Angels:
Munchkin 8/95-6/09(mom's heart).....
Casey 8/93-2/11(mom's soul)......
Meadow 11/99-9/10 and Maddie 4/94-4/10

Dis is Sparkle's Mommy:

I know when I lost Stanley, it took Pookey several months to get his balance back. Nearly a year. But the first six months were the worst. Yes, they were from the same litter and lived toghether forever, but, I think in your case, it may be mourning, as well. Cats hate changes in routines. She is probably quite a bit off balance right now.

In addition to the feeding on the opposite sides of the door, baby gate, etc... You may want to try reversing the situation. Put the one with free roam of the house in the room and the one who prefers the room outside of the door to roam (with the other locked in the room). That way, they can explore and sniff each other's territory without fear. Maybe do that for an hour or so each day.

You can also take a blanket or towel each sleeps on and put it in the other's area so they can get more used to the smells safely.

It may take time. Mouring and routine shifts have rocked your kitty's world. If both are eating, drinking, and using the litter box OK, give it a month or two and see if anything is different before worrying overmuch. Right now, no harm is being done and time may be what is needed -- plus some re-integration help.
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Tammy
& Sparkle
(Stanley 8/91 - 8/07)
(Pookey 8/91 - 11/10)

Mommy gonna talk -

Kaye, I think that all the others have offered really excellent advice and I would try all their suggestions. Surely something among those will work. I'm just sending my best wishes and GLOW for it to work out for both Medley and Shade, and for you! Good luck!

Norma
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The 8 Wiscats:
Henri, married to Bayli
Simba, married to Sassy
Annie-Claire, widow kit
Sylvie-Chantal, widow kit
Simone-Mireille, girlfriend of Loki
Poucette-Noelle, married to Remi
Andre-Guillaume, married to Maria
Madeleine-Louise Munchkin, fiancee of Bailey
In memory of precious and beloved angel kitties: Pierre (1979-1996), Louis Catorze (1984-2000), Giselle-Lizabeth (2005-2007), Monsieur Gervais le Blanc (1995-2007), Clochette-Giselle (2006-2007), The Excellent Lady Sophie-Marie (1990-2009), Beau (1992-2009), Miss Minette (Button) (1992-2010)
~~ plus varying numbers of foster kitties coming and going -- right now just Momcat Fancy ~~

Mommy's feeling furry pleased with herownself! She loves that show on AnimalPlanet called "My Cat From Hell" with Jackson Galaxy. On last night's show, there was a situation that was pretty much like the situation you has, and Jackson gave advice very similar to what Mommy advised and it worked. Jackson had them install a screen door though. That was a great idea if you can do it.

Bam
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The Zoo Crew
BamBam and Cuddles

Whiskers, Minx, Misty, Boo, Patches and Tinkerbell will live forever in our hearts.

BamBam -- Good luk to yous Mommy! What a gud ideea!
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Tammy
& Sparkle
(Stanley 8/91 - 8/07)
(Pookey 8/91 - 11/10)

Thanks! We didn't get any calls yet, but we're hoping! It always breaks mommy's heart that people give up their cats when problems start instead of being committed enough to figure out how to solve the problem and keep the cat. Having a chance to be part of the solution would bless her heart.

BamBam
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The Zoo Crew
BamBam and Cuddles

Whiskers, Minx, Misty, Boo, Patches and Tinkerbell will live forever in our hearts.

Dear Zoo Crew:

We fink yur mommy iss brilliant. We wass going to say somefink like dat too. Mommy watches The Cat Frum Hell too. She not rite allatime like yur mommy iss. Good luck to hur.

Luf an Pawpats,
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Gus, Greyboy, Mamacita, Mijo(wed to Ashli), Maria(wed to Andre), Gatito(wed to Xena), Stormy, Moki Raindance, Thundercloud Chelsea {DVM}, Hagrid, Cheese(wed to Juni), Muggy, Miss Mittens, Peppercorn, Miss Kitty, Tinkerbell(wed to Phoenix), Blueboy, Taki, Joe Gray, Mao, Kit, Wooly, Boots, Mamacat, Li'l Munchie, Tarbaby

All The Noble bridge furries who have gone before!