Reptile & Amphibian Forums

To Gramma and Aunt Kaffy,

Please be advised that I have been retained by Bailey to represent his interests in a criminal matter against you.

A lizzurd invaded Bailey's home, and he was playing with it as was his right as everyone knows that any critter that invades the home of a cat automatically becomes the property of that cat. While he was playing with his lizzurd, Gramma illegally commanded him to drop it. When he quite naturally refused to relinquish his property, she chased him and stole it from him, causing him physical exhaustion and great trauma in having his toy stolen so rudely. Further trauma was caused by having his Gramma and his Aunt Kaffy show more concern for his toy that for him! This is abuse of the most heinous kind.

In the interest of settling this matter out of court, Bailey has graciously agreed to accept the following terms to resolve this matter without further litigation.

1. You acknowledge the universal law that any critter invading a cat's home is the rightful property of the cat to do with as he will without human interference. You further agree to refrain from interfering with his enjoyment of any future invaders.

2. You acknowledge that you were wrong to:

A. Steal Bailey's lizzurd;

B. Wound and traumatize Bailey by showing more concern for his toy lizzurd than for his physical and emotional well-being.

3. You agree to the payment of punitive damages for the theft of the lizzurd and for the pain and suffering inflicted upon Bailey in the form of extra amounts of lavish affection and attention, as well as toys and presents from your cruise.

By signing below, you agree to the terms listed above as settlement in full without the need for further litigation.

Sincerely,

BamBam Esquire
Attorneykit-at-Law

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Gramma's Signature

As for the biting thing, remember that he is a cat, it's what we do sometimes. Also, don't forget his toys from the cruise.