Hi Robin
If you took the time to read the thread you would see that I did apologize to Kirk (in large part due to your post, actually), though I don't think it was absolutely neccessary, as I believe we had already communicated on a civil if not freindly basis and gotten well past that difference in opinion. I was not being rude, only stating an opinion that many of the most experienced breeders in this area share. I most emphatically disagree that simply stating an opinion about a non-personal subject such as the definition of a morph is any any way offensive or rude. But in truth, I would not have posted it if I had realized it was so controversial, I had thought it was a pretty universally accepted definition that a stripe must have a striped body AND tail. I have had quite a few emails from people affirming that opinion, as well as posts in this thread. But if I had realized there were such differences in that opinion even amongst those very experienced in breeding stripes, I would not have posted what I did, so in that sense it was a mistake. On the other hand, it led to what I and many others found to be an extremelely interesting and enlightening discussion that many of us benefited greatly from (I even got emails from experienced breeders who were quite surpised that there was any controversy about a definition of a stripe at minimum having a striped tail).
I am feminist, and am well aware that I do not place the traditional subservient disqualifiers on my facts and opinions that society tends to expect of women, and this is entirely intentional. I purposefully avoid all that disqualifier crap women have been programmed to place before their opinions, such as "I don't really know anything about this but", "If you don't mind I would like to mention that", "It's only my opinion but I think that", "I know others may disagree with me but". IMO, it's all useless, misogynist verbal flotsam that all of us are better off without. I don't tend to qualify what I say, and often make a conscious effort not to do so. Love it, like it, irked by it, it's not my problem. I make every effort to be polite and detest personal attacks and insults and would despise such behavior in myself even more than I disapprove of it in other people. And I think that is all that is required of civil discourse. Opinions about non-personal subjects are not rude, personal insults are. It's not that complicated. I believe in being polite. I do not believe in subservience and fear. I am a copywriter by trade, and I make my living and am successful because I am good at sounding authoritative and persuasive, perhaps this seeps into my writing style online. Whatever.
Robin, I don't want to rehash old threads with you, I have accepted the apology you made to me in the past, but had hoped that sort of behavior had ended there. If you can't engage in civil discourse with me, I am saddened to request that you ignore me altogether. For while I am very tolerant, even welcoming, of intellectual challenge, I will not tolerate personal attacks, and have reached my limit with you in that regard. I have no desire to attack you, but if this sort of attack occurs again I will be forced to defend myself using all means at my disposal. I would much rather not be forced to do this.
You know Robin, I have encountered a sitiuation similar to what we are experiencing online right now before. I host a VC, and there was one participant who took every opportunity to attack and insult me. She was irritated by my posts and felt I posted like a know-it-all. This was about a year ago, and today, we are not only civil but quite freindly, and all that angst is a distant memory. We have even talked about a F2F if we are ever in the same area. I could see that despite her attacks she had a lot to offer as person, and she came to see the same about me as well.
Robin, you've never done anything unforgivable to me and I don't know of anything I've ever done to you. Despite our differences in posting style, I would hope that our mutual love of geckos and passion for this hobby would prove stronger than any insignificant dfferences in style. I hope that we can continue to communicate in a civil fashion, and at best, perhaps we can even be freindly someday as has happened with this other person in my experience. Few things are irredeemable in life, amongst forgiving hearts. But really, that is up to you. I do not hold grudges towards you and respect the experience and knowledge you have to share. I think that if we can both be a little better and bigger people, we will both benefit.
Will you accept this olive branch?
Peace?
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Sarah Stettler aka Starling
Sarah@stargecko.com
StarGecko.Com COMING SOON! Star Quality Leopard Geckos
Specializing in Hypotangerine Tremper Albinos