Iguanas are for people who want a pet more arrogant than a cat.
I have several reptiles in the house, but the one who requires the most attention is Iguanasaurus Rex. Green iguanas are surprisingly delicate creatures, in spite of their attempts at being ferocious herbiviores — and Rex has come down with an intenstinal bug that also gave him a bad skin infection. In two days, he dropped half his weight, and we rushed off to the vet as I fretted about a lizard.
Yes, a large, bald, bearded guy like me gets worried about his reptile.
"Rushed" may be a bit overstated. The only vet is 13 miles away, not far by my Wild West standards, but a rather duanting 45-minute drive in the urban insanity of Pinellas County, Florida. Even worse, the only appointment was at 5:00PM, in the midst of rush hour. So we headed down the main highway, the iguana esconced in a clear Rubbermaid bin atop my daughter Rebecca's lap. People who pulled up beside us stared at the green lizard, it stared right back, like The Rock staring down a rebellious underling in the movie Doom.
Rex remained calm until the doctor performed the kind of invasive procedure usually seen at airport check-ins. I had hoped to find out Rex's actual sex — but, like most reptiles, he or she was quite determined to keep his or her privates just that, private. I'm certain Rex knows what sex he or she is, and cares not about the lack of a proper neuter pronoun in English.
We returned home with two medicines and a grumpy iguana. He became even more agitated when we tried to quirt a pink antibiotic down his throat. As for the topic cream, let's just say that rubbing it on Rex's chest was much more challenging than putting suntan lotion on my wife. Of course, my lovely and talented wife doesn't bite, or slap me with her tail. 
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Scott Robert Ladd
1.0.0 Iguana (Rex)
1.1.0 African Giant Plated Lizard (Clyde, Cassie)
1.0.1 Uro mali (Wizard, Dizzy)
0.1.0 Corn Snake (Amber)
0.1.0 Red-Eared Sliders (Emerald)
0.0.1 Musk Turtle (Sausage)
1.1.0 Parakeet (Thor, Zeus)
1.4.0 Homo sapiens (Scott, Maria, Elora, Becky, Tessa)
blog: http://chaoticcoyote.blogspot.com/
