Reptile & Amphibian Forums

I have a question for all you. I keep a small farm (well it seems like one anyway) and I have a 14 yr old step daughter who's only over at our house every other weeek for about 3 or 4 days at a time. She wants a turtle (well last week it was a hedgehog, the week before it was something else, can't remember). I'm all for getting the kid a pet, but she's almost never around to care for it much less contribute any money towards it's care. I have explained to her that turtles require a lot of care and not something you can feed and clean every two weeks. It's a daily thing. She pretty much expects me to care for it and she'll just "enjoy" it. I asked her if she'd like an adult corn snake (something that can eat every two weeks) but she doesn't even really like mine and won't hold him. (too bad , I'm getting two more very soon).
I've basically told her that until she is over at our house on a consistant long term basis and can provide the proper care and contribute some money towards the care, the likelyhood of her getting a pet is slim. Plus she changes her mind every week on what it is she wants and I fear she would get board real quick having to take care of something on a consistant basis.

Is mom being unfair? I already have enough animals to take care of and spend several hours daily and 100's of dollars monthly doing so. Do any of you think she's really ready to take on that type of responsibility any time soon or is she yanking my chain? Just wanting to hear from kids (or parents) that take care of reptiles on a long term basis.

Thanks
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Chantel a.k.a. sillygirl
"I came, I saw, I adopted"

2.4.0 green anoles
2.2.0 green tree frogs
0.0.3 D. tinctorius (Cobalt froglets)
0.0.1 Anerythristic 'B' (Charcoal)corn snake "Popcorn"
2.4 Domestic house cats
1.0 Rottweiler
1.0 Husband (who loves all my critters too)

If she isnt going to be there to contribute money and take care of the pet then I think you are being fair

How do you expect a 14 year old to contribute money anyways?
And at 14 i would think the charade sounded like a sick bribe to live there.

Her rotating interests in pets is probably because she gives up hope on one, and moves on to another.

I agree if she cannot care for it she shouldn't have it, so make a deal with her to care for it. If she doesn't make the time to see it, then give it up.

If she cannot make the time to see it (because of her real mom, and issues stemming from school and other responsabilities) then take a little pitty. Remember what it was like to be 14 and dependant on other people ? If she can't come over all the time is it her fault or does she have other responsabilities.

A snake was a really good suggestion on your part too btw

if you are the only person whom would possibly allow her to have an animal (ie her mom won't), then she has no choice then to beg you

I do think holding off is a good choice on your part though, because she doesn't seem sure as to what animal she'd really be into having yet.. but its hard to find out unless tried ??

Maybe have her do a Trial Animal, and if she can care for that to your satisfaction, then she can have the real thing. For instance make her care for the dog, or snake, or Anoles..

Just some suggestions, no offence

I am thirteen and I use my money to buy and take care of my pets. I have not borrowed a penny from my parents so its not very hard for a fourteen year old to pay a dollar for crickets or 20$ a month for dog food or whatever you need.

If she wants a pet, then she should take care of it herself and spend her own money on it. I'm 14 and my mom doesn't contribute a cent to my herps. Make her understand that she won't get a turtle or hedgehog or whatever until she's responsible enough.
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The Last Place

But you are plastic and so are your brains.

The primate's scream of consonance is a reflection
of his own mind's dissonance.

Sadistic and constantly inflicting a slow demise.

Im 17 now and when I had the idea I wanted a snake it just popped into my head one day. I want a snake. But I came on Kingsnake.com, found out the best snake for newbies, reserched for months, got a job,(I myself paid for everything except the snake) and even asked a friend of mine where he thought I could get a cornsnake and he ended up giving me one of his. (I was lucky I got to start out with a semi-adult snake). But if the idea of a pet she wants changes every week then she's probably not serious about wanting one. If she really wants a turtle tell her to find out what is the best turtle, exactly what it needs, food and tank size. If she can get through all that and still want one and be willing to pay for it, then you can talk about maybe letting her get one.

HA, funny you should mention the research. I sent her some care sheets on aquatic turtles through e-mail. Her response when I asked her if she had read them and understood the care they involve..."I didn't have time to read them".

To which my reply was "Well then what makes you think you'll have time to CARE for them??" Point taken. She's dropped the subject of getting an animal. She'll just have to give some love and attention to some of the ones that are already around the house.

Thanks for the replies everyone. I didn't think I was being unfair but wanted the opinion of some of the kids in here that actually own and take care of herps and the like.
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Chantel a.k.a. sillygirl
"I came, I saw, I adopted"

2.4.0 green anoles
2.2.0 green tree frogs
0.0.3 D. tinctorius (Cobalt froglets)
0.0.1 Anerythristic 'B' (Charcoal)corn snake "Popcorn"
2.4 Domestic house cats
1.0 Rottweiler
1.0 Husband (who loves all my critters too)

As a Mom of 2 "step-kids" that only come for visitation every other weekend, I make an effort to include them in everything that my kids do, too, and that includes pets. Yes, mine are younger than 14, but just because they aren't living with us doesn't mean they aren't an integral part of our family. My children live with us, and my husbands children live with their Mom. If getting more pets isn't an option, let her pick an existing pet in the house to lay claim to as her own.
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1.1 Ball Python 0.0.1 corn snake 1.0 Bearded Dragon
0.0.2 fish 1.2 cats 3.1 kids 1.0 husband and now...
0.0.1 Pink Zebra Beauty Tarantula

Well getting more pets isn't the problem, I'm getting two more corn snakes here in the very near future BUT guess who's taking the responsibility of them....ME. That's the whole point. I have no problem with her "claiming" one of our 5 cats as her own since we consider them house pets and not individual ones (we all love on the cats and my husband and I share equally in the care for them). My problem came in with her wanting a pet but being unwilling and unable to provide care for it. She won't feed the cats or clean their litter box but she can still play with them. She doesn't help me when I spend 4 hours a week cleaning out the anole and frog tanks or ewwww yuck...handling the crickets to feed them. She doesn't want to even hold the my snake much less feed it. She wanted the "status" of having a pet much like a teenager wants the coolest cell phone/bike/clothes/ect. without having to be responsible for paying for the inital costs/paying for the upkeep cost/providing the labor and time to support the animal, etc.
I realize more and more that it's a status thing with her and that is something I totally disagree with. It's one thing to have a cool phone or a jacket but when it comes to a living breathing life, it's NOT status, it's about responsibility and she doesn't have what it takes yet. So I'm not going to cave into my husband who keeps telling me "Just get her the turtle, I'm sure you'll take care of it when she gets bored of it". NO I'm not going to enable her to be continually irresponsible and just because it's not wanted anymore someone else will step in and take over HER responsibility.

SO...it's come down to this.. and yes I've told her.

SHe can play with the cats and dog. But none of them are HERS, they are OURS. The lizards/frogs/snakes belong to me period because I am the one that looks after them, loves them, cleans up after them and feeds them. And if she wants to start helping with any of the animals she's more then welcome to, if she starts showing strong interest and innititave on her own about their care and well being we can have the "I want a pet of my own discussion" at that time.

Sorry if I sound so mean, but I've rescued animals since I was old enough to carry one and no one ONCE had to tell me to take care of my animals or beg me to pay attention to them because I loved them and had a very strong desire to learn about them and protect them. That and I'm just having a Monday. Thanks for listening to me rant.

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Chantel a.k.a. sillygirl
"I came, I saw, I adopted"

2.4.0 green anoles
2.2.0 green tree frogs
0.0.3 D. tinctorius (Cobalt froglets)
0.0.1 Anerythristic 'B' (Charcoal)corn snake "Popcorn"
2.4 Domestic house cats
1.0 Rottweiler
1.0 Husband (who loves all my critters too)

Not at all. Pets are supposed to teach kids responsibilty, not give mom something else to do. Just stick by your guns and do not give in.

tom

"You are definitely being fair in not wanting to get your daughter reptiles. Kids should not be allowed to think for themselves"...........Bad andy
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signature field has been edited to remove comments which circumvent this sites filter.

Edited on December 8, 2003 at 09:44:28 by phwyvern.

thats not unfair, i would do the same.